One word: voyeurism.

I'm human. Humans are instinctively impatient.

It's very hard for us to perform a certain action today, so that we'll get a reward tomorrow, or next week, or even worst, in 30 days. It's equally as hard to refrain from action today to avoid a certain consequence. That's why we get AIDS and unwanted babies.

You'll find this is more consistent with children. As we grow up, we tame it. We replace this instinct with a learned behavior. That doesn't mean it's any less painful. That's why we can work for 30 days for a pay check. Yet some of us have a hard time taming this instinct.

The point is this: with this 30-day challenge, you'll most likely not see results from the first day. Nor from the first week. But stick with it. Near the end of the challenge, you'll experience the difference.

The benefits are incremental and with a very short fuse. Each day is a step forward. Miss a day and you'll either stop the challenge or take 3 steps back. Pass the 30-day mark and you'll get rid of the fuse.

Yesterday marked my first day of delayed gratification.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Learn more about this 30-day challenge or download the poster here: Are you feeling sorry for yourself? (Poster+Invitation) or watch this hilarious and scientific TED Talk about how delayed gratification is related to success: Joachim de Posada says, Don't eat the marshmallow yet

Talking about getting rid of the blues, Zig Ziglar said:
"Logic will not change an emotion, but action will."

So here it goes. This is a 30-day challenge for you and I.

1. I invite you to download the poster
2. Print it on A3, A4, or A2 paper
3. Bookmark this page
4. Go through the challenge every day for 30 days
5. Share your experiences in the comments (Fake names are ok).

Feeling down? Sad? Depressed? Cycling through mood swings? Whatever it is. Try action for 30 days —starting with this very powerful question.

Click here to download:

Feeling_sorry_for_myself-WilliamChoukeir-notes.pdf (50 KB)

(download)

Click here to download:

Feeling_sorry_for_myself-WilliamChoukeir-notes.pdf (50 KB)

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related Will you take the shortcut or this magic formula? or Just lift a finger

Ask yourself:

"Am I a workaholic, or a workaholic-wannabe?"

It's never too late to change your mind.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related Have you ever been obsessed with being productive? or Wait...

• You won't really learn obvious lessons until you've done the mistakes yourself.
• Focus on one project at a time.
• Don't be afraid to fail.
• Fall down 7 times, get up 8.
• People come before anything else.
• Treat people the way you'd like to be treated.
• Don't wait for the perfect time, start now.
• Etc.

We all know all these obvious lessons. Why don't we all abide my them? Why does it take years until some become part of our system? I've come to realize that they're a huge difference between two edges. The first edge is knowing and accepting these obvious lessons. Having these obvious lessons as part of our belief system is the second edge.

We all know about Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and so on. But one or none of these religious figures is part of our belief system. We will not act according to the teachings of any one of these religious figures, until one of them becomes part of our belief system. And I'm not advocating adopting one religion. I'm only using religion because it's an example we can all identify with. I at the moment, adopt none.

That's the challenge. Adopting obvious lessons as part of our belief system doesn't happen on a rational level. It takes a strong emotional experience. A huge failure perhaps. Or a loved one turning their back on us. Or a life changing lost opportunity. Or someone close truly appeals to our emotions. The problem is obvious, those of us who have experienced these obvious lessons on an emotional level, go on to share them on a rational level. It never works this way.

Belief systems or world views are always amended on an emotional level. That's why you won't really learn obvious lessons until you've done the mistake yourself.

Please share with me your experience in the comments.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related: Will you take the shortcut or this magic formula? or What makes you unsuccessful and unhappy? This 1 thing could change that.

A while back I see 2 people fighting over a small kind of leafy vegetable. The old man selling these, has a van full of them. The buyer is fighting over the price of this one vegetable.

I watch them fight for at least 5 minutes before I get bored and move on. For the seller the value of this small vegetable seems to be huge to him, although the price is negligible. No matter how much effort this man does, he'll end up with the petty money this one vegetable is sold for.

This is the size of the seller's dreams. That's the reason he'll stay small and poor. He was literarly pulling the leafy vegetable out of the buyer's hands because they were not agreeing on the price. The worst part?

The seller's young son was next to him watching and learning. He's learning from his father how to have small dreams. And how to fight over petty money.

Children watch adults and imitate them. Do you have children or younger siblings. If not now, you will some day. You have more effect on their future than you ever thought possible. You have more effect on the size of their dreams than you ever though possible. Behave accordingly.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related: Can you? (a magical exercise to expand your comfort zone exponentially) or Ya-allah VS yalla

You can admire a beautiful thing.
You can admire an ugly thing.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related It's nothing VS thank you - which one? and why or How to leave behind joy, not wealth

When you’re in your intuition, you know.
When you’re in your mind, you have a reason.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related Going fast VS hurrying up + girl with terminal illness or Souls and the gifts they leave behind. are you one of them?

To someone born on a mountain, and never seen anything else, she's not even aware there's a problem.

To someone born on the coast and never seen anything else, it's a different story. On the coast, she travels by bicycle. One day she makes a wrong turn, and for the first time, sitting there on her bike, there's this big mountain in front of her. For her and her bike, the mountain is a problem. She could choose the uphill battle, or she could go back.

For the other person living on the mountain, everything seems horizontal.

For most of us, we're 'living on the coast'. Those of us who choose the uphill battle will come out on top. After that, it'll seem like everything is downhill from there. As if we were born on the mountain. Until a bigger mountain comes along.

I choose mountain. You?

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related How the path of the warrior can help you complete your project or The only way out is through

I hope you're doing great.
It's been a while and I'm missing our interactions.
I've been busy but great, and you?
Please write back. I'd like to see you.

Much love,
Will

Compare to:

"I'm just writing to check up on you.
I hope you're doing great.
It's been a while and I'm missing our interactions.
I've been busy but great, and you?
Please write back. I'd like to see you.

Much love,
Will"

Did you feel the disappointment?  Did you feel the second one to be inauthentic? Fishy? Like there's something behind it? Those are the 'objections.'

Defining your message, kills it. The reasoning is simple. It's embedded in biology not psychology (as Simon Sinek once put it.)

'Defining' appeals to the mind. Which in turn produces an average of 6 objections. Appealing to emotions on the other hand, does not produce objections.

That's the difference between a less convincing long text that covers every objection, and a more effective short text that covers none. Think of long sales letters vs Apple ads.

Knowing how to do that is another story. But like all stories, it starts with trying and failing.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related how being careful when communicating is a bad thing, and what to do about it --COM103 or the destructive power of 'but you don't understand!' and what to use instead? -- COM102

Did you chose your opportunities? Or did they chose you.

Most of my life I've spent, reacting; to opportunities.

When the coolest girl in school showed interest (2 years older than me), I grabbed the opportunity. I later spent 2 years heartbroken.

When filling out my university application, my uncle said: "Go into architecture, you'll have a place at my company." I grabbed it. I later doubled-major with graphic design. I finished architecture, but dropped out at the last mile.

When I got my first freelance project, I said yes. 11 years later, I'm still reacting to incoming projects.

When Anna said: "Come to India with us to the Meditation Center, for a month." I jumped at the opportunity.

When Patricia invited me to organize TEDxBeirut, I said yes. Best experience of my life.

Would I have set out to do any of these if the opportunities didn't come my way? No. Is that a problem? No. Do I regret any of it? Nope. What's the problem then?

The problem is that I reacted. With each opportunity that came my way, I set myself down a long path. A path I didn't necessarily want to be on in a few years.

Rather than me choosing the path, and spotting the opportunities that take me down that path, I did the opposite. I reacted to the opportunities without any vision of a path. These opportunities chose the path for me.

Enough. I'm choosing my own path now. I'm saying no to most opportunities so I can create enough void and free time. So I could escape the 'reacting' mindset. So I could choose my own path. I could later divert into another path. At least I'd know it's my choice.

The rest of my life I'm spending handpicking or creating my opportunities. You?

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related Why saying 'Yes' to opportunities means setting up yourself for failure or What makes you unsuccessful and unhappy? This 1 thing could change that.

There's no "That's how I am."

There's how everything around you made you without your awareness. And there's how you consciously made yourself. These are the two things that most make you.

I was having a dream. I'm in a little cabin with a nice lady. A friend of mine is there too. The lady is standing just outside the door on the porch. My friend is standing a the door, leaning left on his hand. I'm watching them from inside, the light from outside glows her golden hair, and makes a silhouette of the rest of them.

"Warm Italian spaghetti topped with a lush tomato sauce and a hint of basil. A cold glass of wine, and strawberry cheesecake for a sweet end." My friend tells the lady, just out of nowhere.

Her face lights up, "I'm starving!" she replies.

I never did that. Well maybe when I'm asking a girl out the first time. I usually shout out to Hanane from one corner of the studio "I'm hungry, you?" That's not how I am.

That's how everything around me made me. I can change that. I like the approach of my friend in the dream. I'll change my habit. I've done that countless times. How I am right now is not how I was 10 years ago.

10 years ago, 80% of me was because of how everything around me made me. Today 80% percent of me is how I consciously made myself. Habit change is all it takes. One tiny habit at a time.

I like today's me better. You?

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir 

Related : How do we protect ourselves from failure with this habit? or Vegan Chocolate Cheesecake Recipe

She's in school. She hates schooling. She wants to go into acting. Yet she's not doing anything about it. She doesn't study, and she doesn't do anything that gets her closer to acting. 

I tell her a story I've read somewhere. Possibly told by Ken Robinson in the Element. There's this girl living with her poor mother. The girl sees a picture of a university and falls in love. She tells her mom: "I want to go there." the mom buys 2 tickets and takes her daughter to visit the university. The girl falls in love even more.

Mother and daughter work very hard to get a scholarship. And they do. The poor girl goes to a university she never would've dreamed of being in.

The difference between my sister and the girl is that the girl did something about it. She picked a university. She told her mom. 

I'm ready and happy to help my sister. I care about her. Yet the person that cares most about my sister (herself) isn't doing anything about the situation. So why would the people that care less than her, lift a finger?

I'm trying to inspire her to lift a finger, so that I would.

You're probably the person that cares most about yourself. If you're not doing anything to change your situation, please don't expect someone else to do it for you. It'll be a miracle you're waiting for. And miracles are the rarest.

Just lift a finger. Those who care will do the same.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related Will you take the shortcut or this magic formula?

I learned from TEDxBeirut the secret ingredient to inspire a team. It turns out to be simple enough, yet hard to do: when you are under the same conditions as your team, act in front of your team in the way you want them to act. They'll be inspired to do the same.

I haven't been this fortunate with Hanane. She's a partner at .:there for design... and in my life. Somehow, I treat her like family. And you know what that means. Bad idea.

This means that everything I know about communicating with people, everything I write in my notes, and everything I've learned from TEDxBeirut goes down the drain when I interact with Hanane.

Now that I realize this, sitting with my thoughts this morning, it's time to change it. Hanane, I'm treating you like a team member. You're not family anymore.

At this point, three questions come to my mind:

1. Why haven't I realized this obvious fact before.
2. Should I really be publishing this private note before I change my behavior?
3. Will it not work because Hanane read it and is now aware it?

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related: How TEDxBeirut revealed the secret ingredient to inspire a team

Did you see the iPhone4S landing page? What's happening? Since when did Apple list the features and specs on the landing page?

What happened to...

iPhone : This changes everything.

and...

IPhone : This changes everything, all over again.

and why now...

Iphone : Dual-core A5 chips. All new 8MP mumbo jumbo...

Simon Sinek in a TEDx talk spoke about how most companies start with the What, then the How, and finish with the Why (if they know their why.)

If Dell were to speak, I'd say they'd sound like this:

We make great computers (what). They use the 2nd gen i7 processors, up to 16GB memory, 2TB hard drive, and up to AMD Radeon HD 6870 graphics (how.) Wanna buy one? (why N/A.)

If Apple were to speak starting with the what they'd sound like this according to Simon, and I'm quoting:

"We make great computers. They're beautifully designed, simple to use, and user friendly. Wanna buy one?" Emm. Not really.

Simon also shares the way Apple actually speaks, starting with the why, and I'm quoting:

"Everything we do, we believe in challenging the status quo. We believe in thinking differently (why.) The way we challenge the status quo is by making out products beautifully designed, simple to use, and user friendly (how.) We just happen to make great computers (what.) Wanna buy one?" Hell yeah!

Does the iPhone Ad look more to you like this Dell Ad? Or is it just me?

I miss you already steve.

Yours,
Will

Twitter @williamchoukeir

Related: how apple created a viral explosive trend by introducing a weakness into their iPhone?

Words I try to avoid, except when demonstrating. In parenthesis are possible alternatives, followed by examples:

Thing/Stuff (Name that thing)
Rather than "There's one thing I want to talk you about."
Try "there's one issue/idea/obstacle/person/concern/planet/project I want to talk to you about."
More often than not, when I use 'thing' I usually don't fully understand what I'm talking about myself; I'm vague even to myself.

Should (might/do you mind/could followed by 'because')
Rather than "You should send that email today."
Try "You might want to send that email today because"
Or "Do you mind sending that email today because"
Or "Could send that email today because"

Always/Every time (Sometimes preceded by 'consequence' followed by 'because')
Rather than "You always do this."
Try "It hurts me when you sometimes do this because"

Never (Rarely/Try to avoid/Usually followed by 'because')
Rather than "I never eat sugar because"
Try "I rarely eat sugar because"
Or "I try to avoid sugar because"
Or "I don't usually eat sugar because"

You should also mix and match between the last two things depending on context. Oups. I mean:
It's also possible to mix and match between the examples of the last two words depending on context.

If you've faced similar things, or know the reasoning behind these stuff, please share them in the comments.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: people expect to hear a truth - how to prepare their minds for an experience with these 9 steps? -- COM105b

In the animal world males respect females. At least when it comes to sex. Males wait until the female is in heat. She then gives them the signal. They approach. She picks one (or more.) And they have great sex. All the other days of the year, males respect and wait.

Most human males aren't as courteous. Some are. Males want sex all the time. Sure animal males want sex all the time too. Yet, they don't pressure the females. And believe it or not, although human females can have sex anytime, they too go into (and I'm carefully using the word) 'heat' for a few days a month.

Human females concede to the male a lot of times. Because they love the guy. Because they pity him. Because they're afraid of the consequences. Because they don't mind. Sure they'll both have sex. It might feel like rape. It might suck. It might be ok. It might be good. But it won't be great.

Male? Want great sex? Show some respect. Wait until she gives the signal. She'll love you for it.

Female? Point your partner to this note.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: the destructive power of stealing energy, and what to do about it? -or how to get a life- (part 1 of 2) -- ENE102a

A flea just like the one above, kept bugging me all night. It was somewhere in my cloth, jumping around, biting on occasion.

After a long and painful night of searching and looking, I find it. Sitting there on my leg motionless. Finally! This is my opportunity to end this nightmare. I hesitate for just a moment.

If you know fleas, you'd know that they're very elusive bugs. They don't stay put for more than a fraction of a second. And when they jump... You may never spot them again. They're gone.

In that moment of slight hesitation, the flea jumps.

I'm sure that at some point in your life, you've lost an opportunity you've long been waiting for. And I can bet that it's more likely than not, that you've lost that opportunity by inaction. Take a minute now to remember that opportunity lost by inaction.

Next time you spot a golden opportunity, be quick. Don't hesitate. Take immediate action. Don't let the opportunity flee.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

P.s. Related and possibly contradicting with this note if taken out of context: Why saying 'Yes' to opportunities means setting up yourself for failure

Normally, if you feel cold, you wear a coat. If you don't, you don't.

Hanane is spending the day in the studio. She's not going out. Every time that's the case, she looks at the weather outside to see if she needs to wear a coat indoors. It seems that she wears the coat for the weather, and not for herself.

Every time you're working, and you look at the weather outside, ask yourself: "Who am I doing the work for?"

The weather doesn't care about you.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

P.S. Steve and Mark didn't care about the weather: To drop-out or not to drop-out - What would Steve and Mark do?

I wrote a note to myself today.
It's a note that I'm hesitant to publish.
I'd rather put it to sleep for a while.
I'll re-visit it in the future.
If it's still valid, I'll publish it then.
If not, then I'll be glad I didn't publish it today.

Some things, it's better to sleep over.
Maybe revisit once the dust has settled.

Emotions cause reactions.
Once the dust has settled, you'll have a response instead.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: the destructive power of stealing energy, and what to do about it? -or how to get a life- (part 1 of 2) -- ENE102a

Photo via Cristina Marques Da Silva

I think:

Apple introduced a screen snapshot shortcut.
This made it supper easy for anyone to share what they're doing with their iPhones.
This also allowed developpers to easily upload screen shots of the apps they develop to iTunes.

By making sharing super easy and straight forward, Apple empowered its tribe to communicate with each other (1st aspect of tribes.) This also empowered the tribe to communicate with the outside world, thus recruiting new tribe members (2nd aspect of tribes.) Apple also provides multiple platforms and opportunities for the tribe to communicate with the leaders, and the leaders with the tribe (3rd and final aspect of tribes.)

These were the 3 pillars that make a tribe from Seth Godin's book «Tribes».

Your,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: how apple created a viral explosive trend by introducing a weakness into their iPhone?

It's not those that are smart that the world needs. It's those who have an imagination. It's those who can do things in a different way than the masses. If you do things just like everyone else is doing them, you're wasting time and resources. You have to figure out a way to do it differently. You have to find a shortcut. And a shortcut, does not mean saving time. It takes a lot of time and resources to find a shorcut that works.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir 

Related: If you think this note contradicts with: «Will you take the shortcut or this magic formula?» think again.

As a project, my sister has to create a similar pattern to the picture above. She then has to cut out all the small white spaces in between the lines.

The straight forward way is to draw by hand, take a cutter, and start cutting. She expects the whole process to be so time consuming that she won't make it in time. She expects the process to take a week. I've been there.

I know from experience that the process takes a day. 2 days at most. Event though I told my sister the realistic time frame that the project would take, she wasn't convinced.

So she starts looking for a shortcut. "I can cut it using a lazer cutter." She says to herself. "But then I need to create the file digitally. I can do that. But I don't know how to use Illustrator. I'll have to learn how to use Illustrator. But that'll take time. I can't do it. Hanane! What can I do to cut this pattern?" and she goes on like this for 3 days. Yes you read that right. 3 days of trying to find a shortcut.

If she had accepted that she has to do the hard work. If she sat down from day one and started doing the hard work, she would've been done is a couple of days.

Do you mostly look for the easy way out? Do you find it hard to accept that most things are hard to do and require hard work?

By searching for an easier way, you always end up doing nothing. You end up wasting a lot of time in your quest to avoid doing the hard thing. And that's not all.

It turned out that the hard thing ends up taking a lot less time than you had ever expected. And it also turns out that the hard thing is a whole lot easier than what you expected it to be. Sometimes it's unbelievably silly.

Cutting that pattern above is not hard. Nor will it take a week. It took me a day when I did it. Accept to do the hard work. Do the hard work. Skip looking for a shortcut. You'll get a lot more done. Guaranteed. And there's an up side to it.

Once you're done with the work, people observing from the outside will be amazed. Why? Because, just like you, they too will have expected the project to take a lot of time and be extremely hard. They didn't do it. They don't know that in reality it took much less time and effort. And so they will amazed.

Keep doing the "apparently" hard work, consistently, and people will constantly be amazed at all the "hard" things that you keep producing. They'll wonder where you get the time and energy. "You must have a magic formula." They'll tell you. And now you do.

It's now the 6th day, the project is due tomorrow, my sister decided to take the lazer shortcut just yesterday. She probably won't make it. One day is not enough for her to learn illustrator, draw the whole pattern digitally, get it cut, and then color it.

I did tell her all of this on day one. Do you think telling someone about a lesson is enough for them to learn it? Apparently not. Just like you won't learn this lesson until the next time you take the shortcut and suffer the consequences.

In your next project, will you try the magic formula instead?

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: Have you ever been obsessed with being productive?

Today, I tried to save this little insect above. In vain.

It's turned on its back. It opens up but can't stand itself back up on its feet. Every time I try to roll it on its feet, it gets scared and closes itself into a ball. I've tried a dozen times.

It's destined to die a slow and lonely death.

And so are you, if you're trying to make it on your own. Every time you open up to venture into something new, you meet someone willing to help. You get scared. You roll back up unto yourself.

For this insect to survive, it has to overcome its fear, and stay open as I roll it up on its feet. Of course it can't. Its survival mechanism is hard wired. For the insect, either it closes, or it dies. We both know that this is far from the truth, because I'm genuinely trying to help. But it doesn't matter. The insect believes otherwise. It believes that if it opens up, it will be killed. Fortunately for you, if you open up and accept help, it's very unlikely that you'll be killed.

If you don't, I can guarantee that you'll die a slow and lonely death. Sure it might take a handful of decades, that's why it's slow and lonely.

Venture into something new. Stay open despite your fears. Accept the help of others. They might just be trying to turn you back on your feet.

I'm still watching this insect. It's still trying on it's own. Without accepting help, it's as good as dead.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: it's nothing VS thank you - which one? and why -- COM104

This is not a story about me. It's a story about YOU. Through my eyes.

While organizing TEDxBeirut, I had so much to do, that I barely had 3 hours of sleep even night, for 1 month straight; barely 1 hour during the last week. I was only eating in the car while driving. I also made most of my phone calls in the car.

During all this time, I was still running my design studio (at a reduced load), but it was still running nonetheless. We were still working on the time-sensitive projects.

At the studio, we were also doing everything design and communication for TEDxBeirut. The website, T-shirts, emails, event catalogue, banners, sponsor kits, business cards, invitations, etc.

In addition to that, I was meeting TEDxBeirut speakers almost on a daily basis, starting at 3 or 4 pm; Coaching them and refining their talks.

I was receiving around 300 emails a day. Towards the last 2 weeks, I was clearing my inbox every other day. I was taking and making so my phone calls that my phone bill surpassed $300 that month.

I also spent time supporting Hanane in her times of crisis. Because without her, I and everything around me would crumble. Hanane is my partner in life and in work. She's the pillar that supports me. I stand in the spotlight, but she deserves all the credit. I'm just a facade.

In addition to all of these, I was still sitting with my thoughts every day. I was still writing my notes every day. Even on event day. I was still showering and brushing my teeth.

And yet, I didn't crack. I didn't crumble. Not that it was easy. On the contrary. Not that I wasn't on the verge of collapse. I was. But I didn't. I hung in there. I saw it through. I realized that I am capable of handling far more than I ever thought possible.

But this isn't my story. This is the story of Patricia, our curator. This is the story of Ziad. This is the story of Aya. This is the story of Sandra. This is the story of Joseph. This is the story of Farah, of Fatimah, of Rytta, of Marc, of Zeina, and of every single person that was at the core of TEDxBeirut.

I'm not the hero. We all are. I'm not the only one capable of handling much more that I ever thought possible. We all are.

And that's how I realized that anyone -yes anyone- can handle much more than we all ever imagined.

YOU can handle much more than your wildest dreams. Just throw yourself out there. You'll see. You'll come through.

We all did.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Have you ever been obsessed with being productive to the extent that you sabotage yourself?

You spend all your time researching, optimizing, and coming up with new ways to be more productive. This goes on to the point where you realize that you're not getting any work done. 

And the funny thing is, you develop a system that allows you to work more productively, but... As soon as you have the system, you're still not working. Since you're not working, you can't test the system. So you put it aside and don't use it.

You then get frustrated from not working. You look back to see what was the last you did that made you feel good. "Oh!" You say to yourself, "I need a system that makes me productive!"

...and the cycle starts again.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

I've been a perfectionist all my life.

"If I needed something done right, I'd do it myself." I'm aware of it. I fight it hard. I loose most of the time. I win sometimes. Because of TEDxBeirut, I think I'm now equipped to win most of the time.

With the sheer amount of work for TEDxBeirut, I had no choice but to let go. It worked 'perfectly' well. I learned these simple but powerful lessons that hopefully can help you delegate.

1. Brief the team as clearly as you can. Don't tell them what to do step-by-step. Explain the desired outcome, and the reasoning behind it. This empowers them to own the work and the responsibility.

2. Let go.

3. Let them mess up. Don't interfere.

4. Let them fix it. Don't interfere.

5. Let them mess up while fixing it. Don't interfere.

6. When there isn't enough time left, take over. Fix it.

7. If there isn't enough time left for you to fix it, let go. It has passed.

8. Once complete, take a look. Share with the team what you loved about their work. No need to mention what you didn't like because these might be a result of your perfectionism. With a little time, the team will maximize what you like, and minimize what you don't.

I know I was under spressure to let go. You might not have it that easy, but try.
Goodbye perfectionism. Hello letting go.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Hanane is telling me about how she has this work opportunity that she doesn't want to loose. Both she and I know that she doesn't have the time for it right now.

The reason many of us fail to succeed is because we can't let go. We're afraid to loose opportunities. We say 'yes' to every single one.

By doing that, we dilute our efforts. We can't focus on one project, nor one direction, nor one niche. We try to do everything at once. We try to 'be' everything at once. Those of us who are like that, constantly fail to succeed.

Yes, failure is good. It helps us grow and learn. Yet, we have to be careful. This 'failure-is-good' philosophy only applies when we fail despite our best efforts; despite our 100% focus and attention.

When we dilute our focus and attention 4 ways (25% each way), and then fail, please let's not claim that 'failure-is-good'. Let's not claim that failure is a learning experience. We all know that 25% effort can't create a success at anything.

When we're afraid to loose opportunities; when we say 'Yes' to all of these opportunities, be set ourselves up for failure. We accept to play a game we can't win at.

Seth Godin failed at 300 businesses so that he can succeed at a few. The trick is that he was 100% dedicated and focused on one business at a time.

Alternately, we too can fail at 300 businesses. The difference is that we won't succeed at any if them when we're working on 2 or more at a time.

One of the key ingredients to success, is for us to be ready to turn down tempting opportunities for the sake of focus. One idea at a time. One project at a time. One vision at a time.

Hanane, take up all opportunities and fail to succeed at all of them. Loose all opportunities but one, and succeed over and over again.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Have you ever wondered why it's called depression?

Because in your daily life, your problems and unmet responsibilities create stress. This, in turn, creates a lot of pressure on you.

And so, you have to decompress, or depress. Thus the word depression.

If you can find a way to depress every day, maybe you'll be able to escape your cycle of depressions (aka Cyclothymia or manic/depressive or bipolar.)

I think I'm on to a way to depress everyday. Try it here.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

It's Friday. The day before TEDxBeirut. I'm driving to the venue. I've barely been sleeping for an hour every night for the past week. I'm exhausted, and have little energy left.

Today is the final rehearsal with all the speakers, performers, and production crew. It's going to be a long and intense day. There's so much that needs to be done. Too much for just one day.

As I'm driving, I think to myself: "I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the day. I'll probably go in, and when anyone asks how I am, I'll reply with 'Exhausted'. That way, I'll show them that I've been working my ass off. That'll give me enough attention and energy to keep me going just a little bit more." I pause, get my thoughts together, and continue:

"Bad idea! We're all exhausted. Why would I expect myself to be more exhausted than everyone else? Why would I demand attention from everyone else? Bad idea!"

That's when a smile forms on my face. "I'm OK" I think to myself. "Actually, I feel great! This is what we've all been working very hard for. It's almost here. I'm excited!" And all of a sudden, everything changes.

I arrive at the venue. I'm all hyper and ecstatic. I go inside and start hugging and loving everyone. I can't get the smile off my face. Everyone smiles back. I can see the light in their eyes. Little do I realize on that day, the effects of my attitude-change on everyone around me.

It's Saturday. It's the day of TEDxBeirut. It's 7:00am. I'm driving to the venue. I've only slept for 1hr. I can't keep my eyes open. I'm even beyond exhaustion. It's as if there are no thoughts in my head. I'm blank. I'm irritated. I don't have nor the energy, nor the patience to deal with anything that comes my way. And suddenly, I remember the day before.

I remember the attitude change. And for the first time, I realize that by smiling and by being ecstatic yesterday, I was affecting the attitude of everyone around me. I think to myself: "I gotta do this. Everyone is exhausted. If I'm exhausted too, how will we make it through the day? How will we deal with all the problems that'll arise? How will the audience feel? I gotta be ecstatic and exploding with energy!"

Suddenly, I feel a bust of energy! A smile forms on my face. This energy, along with the smile, both stay with me the whole day. All the way throughout the event. And this has a huge effect on everything. Of course, I wasn't aware of that during the day. 

At the end of the day, while driving back home, I remember Patrick telling me: "I don't know why, I can't help it but smile every time I see you." I reply automatically without thinking: "Maybe it's because I've been smiling all the time?" That's when it hit me.

I get a zillion flashbacks from that same day. I remember all the instances when Patrick tells me how I'm inspiring. The instance that Maya tells me how she can feel my energy, and how different that is from others. The instance that Chawki tells me how inspiring I am. All the instances that I've spoken to team members, and all of a sudden their eyes spark. All the instances that I've briefed a team member who has slept less that I did, and see them jump into action with excitement beyond this world.

That instance, after all those flashbacks, I finally understand what inspiring a team is all about. I've been trying to inspire different teams, within and outside of TEDxBeirut for years now. I've failed every single time. And now, on the last day of TEDxBeirut, I finally get it.

Inspiring a team isn't just about being ecstatic, energetic, and passionate. Yes, all these are vital. Yet, a secret ingredient is missing.

To inspire, you have to be under the same, or worst conditions yourself. Please, read this line again.

During the day of TEDxBeirut, I finally managed to inspire, not just because I was full of energy. It's because I was as tired and as un-slept as everyone else. Yet, I managed to show everyone that even though we're all exhausted, we can still be full of energy. We can still have a constant and contagious smile. We can still be ecstatic. And when we're all like this, the crowd can't help but get infected with this blissful energy. 

I've come to learn that inspiring a team might just be this simple and reproducible. To inspire a team to act in a certain way, act yourself in that certain way. And as long as you're under the same, or worst circumstances than the rest of your team, they'll get inspired.

Martin Luther King was as black and as mistreated as his community. Gandhi was under worst conditions than his community. And they both inspired big time.

On Friday, that day before TEDxBeirut, I had never imagined that my change of attitude will have such a deep impact. I thank everyone single one of you. You inspired me to inspire.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

--
Think about it.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

I've read many times about the importance of motivating your team. About how vital it is to make them feel appreciated. About how crucial it is to educate them. To build their skills. To empower them. To inspire them. And I think most importantly, to be compassionate towards your team. 

I haven't read anywhere that you need to treat your customers this way (with the exception of educating the customers.) Now I realize that treating your customers with all the above is as important as treating your team that way.

I  refuse to have customers. Now, when I work on a project, the customer and us are all working together. There are no 2 teams. We are one team containing all the people involved in the process. It all started on that day...

The day when we received an email from one of our customers. The email contained feedback regarding a design proposal we sent them. We were chocked!

The email had a long list of changes. The changes aren't specifically the problem. The problem is this: the list of changes was full of tiny meaningless changes that did not affect the outcome of the design, nor the effectiveness of the message. These were changes that would waste valuable time from the very tight and time sensitive deadline of the project.

It was as if the customer was telling that they hate to proposal without telling us that they hate it. Instead they listed every element in the design and asked us to change every one. I became furious.

As much as I tried to cool down, and tone down my email reply, I couldn't. My email hurt the customer, and made them furious as well. And no, I didn't shout or curse in the email. I didn't use capital letters, nor bold. I used very strategic words that hit very sensitive nerves in people. Bad idea.

I am sorry for doing that. I would take it back. I can't. And I think that without this incident, I would not have learned this valuable lesson. So there must be good out of it. 

I now understand that the problem was because the customer and us, we were behaving as 2 sides. The customer was not involved in the process. There wasn't any communication.

When we received the brief from the customer, we threw away their brief and created our own. We did this without involving them in the process of creating a new brief. Somehow doing that was an insult by itself.

Sure the new brief might have served the customer's desired outcome better; but that doesn't matter because the customer doesn't know that. We didn't make sure that they're aware of the added benefits and effectiveness of the new brief. 

Now I understand how vital it is to involve the customer in every step. To make them part of the team. To involve them in the initiatives we take. To motivate them. To inspire them. To empower them. To educate them; naturally. And most importantly, to be compassionate with them. To help them grow and develop their skills; the way you would want from any team member.

And I promise, you and your customer will have a richer experience together. Hopefully, without fucking up first.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

We wait to finish school to start our lives.
We finish school and go into university.
We wait to finish university to start our lives.
We finish university and get employed.
We wait to get enough money to start our lives.
We never get enough money.

Start today.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Imagine the world has been overrun by Zombies. You're the only group left. You've managed to lock yourselves in an abandoned prison.

You've prepared yourselves a nice dinner. You've lit a few candles. You've found a nice red table cloth and an aged bottle of wine.

Do you now sit and enjoy your nice dinner, and pretend that you're not surrounded by lifeless Zombies struggling to get in and rip you apart? Or do you face your situation and try to get rid of the Zombies?

Of course enjoying the dinner is less painful than facing the Zombies. The problem is that you that one day the food will run out; the Zombies will find a way in. And you're going to suffer immensely.

You can only run away from your problem for a little while. You can't pretend that you're having a nice dinner all the time. The question is, do you fight now, when you're healthy and strong? Or do you wait until you're helpless?

Let's come back from Zombie world to our daily lives for a  minute. Everyday in our minds we face a choice. Do we face our problems and resolve them? Or do we keep running away from them, until one day they find a way in when we're most helpless?

Of course, distracting ourselves from our painful thoughts is as pleasant as that temporary dinner in prison. Facing our thoughts and resolving them is as satisfying and as liberating as defeating the hoard of Zombies.

Except that when you face your own thoughts you can't loose. You're in a safe environment. No physical harm can come to you. And you can stop at any point, and continue later. 

But the consequences are very real when you keep choosing the dinner.

Sit with your thoughts today before it's too late.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Imagine I'm a cult. I'm not, but for now, imagine that I am. As a cult, I want you be my slave. I know that your mind is full of stress and problems. I k ow that your thoughts are a source of pain. And I know that if I give you an escape from your thoughts, you'd love me. 

And so, I give you meditation. With meditation, you push your painful thoughts aside for a little while. You're happy with your new virtual reality. Until you need another shot of meditation.

I know that once you stop meditation, your painful thoughts make an appearance. The pain and stress come back. I know that you'll come back to me for more meditation. You have to. It's too painful without me. 

I even know that after a while of meditating, you'll have amassed a huge storage of unresolved thoughts. I know that our minds naturally resolve our conflicts and problems, when we choose to face them. And I know that I need you to stay ignorant to your minds natural ability to relive it's own conflicts. 

I know that meditation does that perfectly well. I know that you'll believe that you need meditation to be content. And I know that through meditation I can constantly prevent you from facing your own thoughts. With meditation, you're constantly running away from your thoughts, unknowingly. You're pushing them away unresolved. You queue them, stack them, and pretend they're not there.

I know that the collective pain from all your stacked thoughts is too overwhelming to bear. And I know that the moment you try to leave me, immediately feel this delayed unbearable cumulative pain.

I know you'll come back. I know you'll beg for my meditation; for my magical way to treat your symptoms. I know you're addicted. I designed your addiction. I made it so that you can't face your problems nor resolve them.

The longer you stay with me, the deeper you fall. And the harder it is to climb out. I made so. You are mine.

I'm a cult. But I'm also meditation. And I'm also mass media. I'm also crack cocaine.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

The mind's natural tendency is to either run away or fight.

When I sit with my thoughts, the most painful thought appears first. I now have 2 choices. Run or fight. Running could be in the form of distractions. Distractions could be in the form of victimizing myself.

I have a friend. When she sits with her thoughts, and a painful thought comes along, she does something unusual. Her mind immediately runs away from the pain and starts looking for someone to blame. Obviously, she can't find anyone else to blame but herself. This brings her pain. She runs away from that new thought, and starts looking for "proof" to blame someone else. Whether she finds someone else to blame, or ends up blaming herself, her system collapses.

In the times that her system doesn't collapse, she manages to put enough effort to distract herself completely with external means; email, blogs, chatting, Facebook, etc.

If my friend can make enough effort to stand and fight -considering she can face the painful thought- she would prevent collapse and cure the problem from its source. Her mind's natural tendency -seeing that it has no choice but to fight- stars immediately resolving the problem behind the painful thought.

Make use of your mind's natural problem-solving tendency. It all starts with standing and fighting.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

I remember when I was a child, I use to alway distract myself by daydreaming, by inventing things, by building things... There was no internet, and my parents didn't allow TV.

No wonder why I had trouble dealing with anything emotionally challenging with my life. I had wished these challenges would go away rather than me facing them. I mainly lived my childhood in denial of these challenges.

This could be the reason behind my cyclic depressions, but it's even more likely that it's the reason behind the times when I procrastinate.

It seems that I procrastinate when my mind is full of painful thoughts. Thoughts which I refuse to accept. And so, to dull the pain, I distract myself from these thoughts. When I sit to work, these thoughts seep back in. I feel pain again. That's when I resort to distractions; thus procrastination.

When I sit with my thoughts in the morning and watch them, accept them, and resolve them. Things change. I can then sit and work, without these thoughts seeping back in. And in case they do, then I'm already familiar with them. I've already resolved some of them. I'm already aware of the unresolved ones, they're usually less painful, and I'm already on my way to resolving them.

I don't need distractions because I've removed the source of the pain. And it's this pain that called for the distractions. Instead of treating the symptoms, like Prozac, I treated the root cause. 

And I'm even much more productive during the day, compared to the days when I don't sit with my thoughts but force myself not to get distracted. Rather than spending much effort and attention preventing distractions, instead I spend these resources on being productive.

I understand that some people distract themselves from their thoughts and problems with work. Those are the constantly productive people who feel the pain of their thoughts when they stop working. This works when their work isn't a source of emotional pain. That's when their work becomes the distraction. And being productive doesn't necessarily mean contentment.

For the rest of us, for now, we can try sitting with our thoughts and enjoying intense productivity for a change.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

P.S. There's another vital dimension to this that I'll share later.

The unsuccessful and unhappy person gets and idea of what we want to do or be. He then wishes he could do that; even if there are no obstacles.

The successful and happy person gets an idea of what he wants to do or be. He then goes and does that; despite all obstacles.

You want to do something. I know.
You want to be someone. I know.
Just go and do that. Be that.

1 idea at a time. 
1 obstacle at a time. 

It might seem simple. 
It is. 

Then, you complicate it. You get impatient and pursue 2 ideas at a time. Or maybe 3. Bad idea.

Repetition is vital when something is so simple, yet so powerful, that it always gets underestimated. 

1 idea at a time. 
1 obstacle at a time.

Change anyone of these 2 and you, more often than not, set yourself up for an unsuccessful and unhappy life. You set yourself up for wishful thinking. 

I've heard the "1 idea at a time" mantra a lot over the years. It went through my head unnoticed. 

I underestimated it. 
I didn't believe it. 
I wasn't convinced it could be this simple. 
No one explained it. 

And I kept on juggling multiple ideas at a time. And I kept on failing. 
And then I tried it. 

It works. Period. 
Try it. 

Once you do, you don't need convincing. Leave wishful thinking to someone else, and go be successful and happy. 1 idea at a time. 1 one obstacle at a time.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Soon: This 1 idea doesn't have to be a startup. It could just be a habit. For now...

The "immutable law of labor: When there are a lot of people willing and able to do a job, that job generally doesn't pay well." —Freakonomics

Zappos.com created a very tempting company culture. It established itself as an employee haven. It has a reputation for having the best customer service and customer satisfaction (in the world?) How?

Zappos.com empowers employees to take initiatives with customers. Each employee gets a sum to spend as she likes on pleasing customers. They have 2 interview criteria, one for qualifications, another for culture-fit. Zappos.com bombards each applicant with endless questions to see if the applicant fits their company culture. They reject participants if they're not a culture fit. There's more.

Zappos.com doesn't hire managers, nor executives, nor any other position for that matter. Zappos.com only hires customer support people. And I mean that literarily. I don't mean that they hire for different positions, but call everyone 'customer support'. Nope. They just hire people to sit on the phone all day taking care of customers. With Zappos.com the only way to have a shot at the top is to start from the bottom.

From the bottom, they train you, and you get promoted every 3 months. This goes on for 10 years (every 3 months) until you reach an executive position. When an executive retires or drops out, they don't hire a new one. The second in line takes her place. By creating this employee pipeline, they've created 2 situations.

1. Everyone wants to be a Zappos.com employee because it's the best place ever for an employee to be in —1st rule of the immutable law of labor.
2. Everyone is able to do the job because Zappos.com only hires customer support people —2nd rule of the immutable law of labor.

When everybody wants a job, and everybody has the skills to do a job, salaries go down in direct proportion to the number of people willing to do that job.

And so, although it appears that Zappos.com is the Knight-in-Shining-Armor that changed the wold for employees, it seems to be only a masked strategy to pay the lowest salaries possible. Hence making huge profits for the people at the top.

That's your typical low-life capitalistic model right there. Freaky isn't it?

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: The real secret of Facebook's success - Uncovered They really don't want you to this either.

"Dating sites are the most successful subscription-based businesses on the Internet." —Freakonomics, page 78

When you use a dating site, you pay a monthly subscription. In addition, you have to always be careful not be shamed by your peers, friends, family, and partner.

What if you had a dating site, which everyone uses, and no one knows that it's a dating site?

The real secret to Facebook's success is that it is a 'masked' dating site, that is 'free'.

Users use it because of its dating features; without themselves knowing that it's a dating site. And if no one knows that it's a dating site, then no one can shame anyone else for using Facebook.

Those who don't use Facebook because of the dating features are mainly late adopters who joined in to get a sense of belonging. Or because they felt they were missing out on the events, and all the action. Everyone else was on Facebook. They were the lone exception.

How can anything compete with a free and so-geniously masked dating site? The question remains: Does Mark Zuckerburg know this?

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: to drop-out or not to drop-out - what would Steve and Mark do?

Today, as I'm sitting with my thoughts in front of the rising Sun, I see my thoughts with such rare clarity; the clarity I wish I have all the time.

I see 3 phases that my thoughts go through. The 1st phase, let's call it «Distraction», is synonymous with Mass Media, Prozac, and iTunes. That's the phase where I daydream. I create virtual scenarios that are more pleasant than reality; a beach in Hawaii, being invisible, being a virtual character living an adventurous ideal life, etc. By doing that, I distract myself from the thoughts caused by real-life incidents.

Ironically, although technically I seem to be sitting with my thoughts, I'm actually still distracting myself from them. Ironically as well, I think that meditation might just be another way to distract myself from the thoughts that matter. While meditating, I visualize virtual worlds (daydreaming), I repeat a mantra (can't think in parallel), I focus on breath (can't focus on the thoughts at the same time.)

It just might be that meditation relieves me from stress and emotional pain, by distracting me from the causes of pain (Prozac?). I'm not attacking meditation, since I'm a meditator myself. I'm only suggesting that maybe there needs to be a time for sitting with my thoughts, just like there needs to be a time for meditating (which helps me deal with those thoughts.) This of course contradicts the core teachings of most meditation schools. These schools discourage meditators from allowing their thoughts to flow freely; ideally 24/7. I hope you now get why I called the 1st phase «Distraction».

Let's call the 2nd phase «Acceptance». Phase 2 starts when I become aware of «Distraction». That's when I push away the distracting daydreams. Immediately, the reality of my life flows in. I'm aware of the problems and conflicts. I'm aware of where I am now in life, as opposed to where I want to be. At this point, daydreams and distractions start to interfere again, in an effort to take me away from the pain of realization.

Obviously that's a sign that I'm in denial. It's only when I push the daydreams away and stick to the reality of my life, that I start accepting that reality and all its problems. And when I do that, when I accept the pain of realization, when I watch all my thoughts with acceptance, that's when I'm ready to move to the 3rd phase.

Let's call the 3rd phase «Resolution». Once I accept my thoughts, I'm well on my way to resolving them. I process the thoughts as they come. I think through each one until, arbitrarily, another one comes along. Except that the thoughts don't come arbitrarily. Because naturally, in this phase, my mind feeds me my problems from the most painful to the least.

Naturally, also in this phase, my mind has a natural tendency to automatically start solving any problem it comes across (assuming I've broken out of denial, and accepted reality. Otherwise, my mind flees into the comfort of distraction.) And as my mind tackles a problem, suddenly another thought appears, and my mind starts tackling that other problem.

I allow this to happen for a simple reason, which you might have guessed by now. Let's say my mind feeds me the most painful thought 1st: thought 'A'. My mind then starts resolving thought 'A'. As soon as thought 'B' comes along, this means that my mind has resolved thought 'A' enough for it to be less painful than thought 'B'. Thus 'A' gets replaced with 'B' and so on. But at any time the 1st phase can reappear and sweep me into Lala land. I can't let my guard down.

The 3rd phase is actually pleasant and relieving. It feels as if an ancient tension is finally getting resolved. I look forward to it in the early morning as the Sun rises.

Rather than distracting yourself with daydreaming, Mass Media, Prozac, iTunes, or even a game of Solitaire, try accepting reality for a change. Denial 'might' just be the hidden 'source' behind our pain. Now that we have an idea of what this source might be, isn't it time to stop treating the symptoms.

Try going from «Distraction» to «Acceptance» to «Resolution», and share with me your experience.

Thanks,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

They say that iTunes revolutionized the music industry. Indeed it might have, but at a price.

Before iTunes, record labels catered to the general audience; they still do. The lowest common denominator. They find and distribute the music that a general audience likes. by doing that, they alianate all those who like niche genres. iTunes did it differently.

iTunes purchased and offered everything. They catered to the general audience and to all niches as well; from the infamous to the unkown independent. iTunes even took everything CD Baby has to offer —and CD Baby is exclusively on online music store for independent artists (They also revolutionized the music industry, before iTunes).

iTunes's distribution channel? The iPod. And now every person —armed with an iPod/iPhone and with an endless supply of his favorite genre of music— can indefinetly distract herself from her own thoughts; from the thoughts that matter, from the thoughts that resolve internal conflicts, from the thoughts that solve problems, and maybe from the thoughts that create and innovate. Before iTunes, the general audience lived distracted from reality, while the niche audience enjoyed its individuality. Post iTunes, everyone lives distracted from reality.

Maybe, for one day, you can forget your headset at home (à la Zoozel), and experience the difference.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: The pain of living with your thoughts or The only way out is through

I've talked about The pain of living with your thoughts and how The only way out of the pain is through your thoughts.

My dear friend Zoozel wrote back in reply:

"I don't really think people notice that they can't be alone with their thoughts, it simply becomes a habit of channeling them out. I noticed it once as I forgot my headphones at home, I would always have them with me, because I couldn't be alone with my thoughts. I still carry them around, but from time to time, I do shut down everything, and that's actually when I get my best ideas... Very thought-provoking piece William..."

This inspired me to publish a note I've written last week:

Why is Mass Media such a success? And what I mean by Mass Media is everything we're bombarded with all the time, and everywhere: Television, Movies, Radios, Music, Billboards, and so on... The list is endless. And I realize that Mass Media is such a success because it capitalizes on a most basic human instinct: Our "away-from-pain" instinct. How does Mass Media do that?

Most of the time our thoughts bring us pain. We're unsatisfied with our lives. We haven't met the expectations of others. Our lives are crowded with all sorts of problems. We deal with large amounts of stress, etc. All of these are sources of pain — unless we distract ourselves from them. But for this to work, we have to constantly be distracted, because the moment we allow our thoughts to seep in, pain immediately follows. Zoozel knows this, so he carries his handphones around. But most people —as Zoozel mentioned— aren't aware that they can't be alone with their thoughts.

And that's why Mass Media is such a success. We welcome it, unknowingly, as the best way to treat the symptoms; Just like Prozac.

Why don't we treat the cause for a change?
Listen to your thoughts.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: The pain of living with your thoughts or  The only way out of the pain is through your thoughts

I'm in my studio...

... irritated, frustrated, angry, and bored. I'm constantly agitated, looking to entertain myself. I cook, check my email (without replying), chat with my brother, cook, email, and finally I'm boiling some potatoes.

While waiting for the potatoes, I sit in an isolated room in the house. It's quiet, without electronics. I'm just sitting down. And without delay my thoughts start flowing in. Just like molecules coming together and bonding, my thoughts start creating links. They generate other thoughts, which generate new links, and thus, new thoughts. One of these thoughts happens to be a realization. I think to myself: "Am I constantly trying to distract myself so that I shut away my thoughts?" Why would I shut away my thoughts? "Because they reveal a painful reality", my mind answers back. And then it hit me again.

I realize that when i was very small, I used to daydream. I then realize that there's a difference between daydreaming and sitting with my thoughts. When I daydream, I invent things. My mind is pre-occupied and focused on one purpose; My invention. In contrast, when I gew a bit older, I used to run away from home because of family problems. I used to go to a forest and sit on a rock for eight hours or more. And now I realize, that even then, I didn't sit with my thoughts. I didn't invent either. What I did do is watch the trees move in the wind, the multitude of smells, my dog moving about, the ants laboring, etc.

In short I was living in the present, being aware of the present (Years later, I find out that what I was doing was some sort of meditation, with being present as its ultimate aim.) But even then, sitting on that rock, I wasn't sitting with my thoughts. Although I did, unknowingly, develop the ability to live in the present. Yet when sitting on that rock, the thoughts of my current life are so painful, that I had to shut them away. And now sitting in that isolated room in my house, I'm still doing it. Yet now, I realize that even when I distract myself from these thoughts, I'm still aware of them.

I still experience their painful effects. And to think that I'm protecting myself from pain by constantly distracting myself. Now I know that this constant distraction leaves the painful thoughts as is, unresolved, un-diffused, unprocessed. The thoughts are sitting there, in the back of my head, causing constant pain. And until now, I wasn't aware of the source of this pain.

I'm basically under the false illusion that sitting down with my thoughts is painful. Yet I'm constantly living with the pain these thoughts bring in. And thinking about them, and resolving them, isn't more painful. It's actually liberating. From now on I'll try to create the time to sit with my thoughts, go through them, and break out of my pain.

The only way out is through.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: How to sit with your thoughts with these 3 phases

More and more people are finding it hard to live with their thoughts. They are constantly looking for ways to distract themselves; from their thoughts.

Maybe it's because their thoughts bring them pain? Are they hiding from the realization that they are not living the lives they hope to live?

Maybe it's when we start living with our thoughts —when we accept to experience the pain these thoughts bring us— that we really start to live.

Isn't it obvious that when we constantly avoid something, it probably means that there must be pain in that something? A lot of people know that this pain could hold the secret to their happiness. Yet they are such cowards, that they refuse to accept this pain. Maybe this secret is simply a realization...

The realization that this is not the life they want to live. The realization that they'd have to start all over.

Maybe the only way to find out is to sit with your thoughts.

Yours,
Will

Twitter: @williamchoukeir

Related: The only way out is through

The Roman rulers commonly known as the "Five good emperors" were Nerva, Trajan, Hadrian, Antoninus Pius, and Marcus Aurelius. The term Five Good Emperors was coined by the political philosopher Niccolò Machiavelli in 1503:

From the study of this history we may also learn how a good government is to be established; for while all the emperors who succeeded to the throne by birth, except Titus, were bad, all were good who succeeded by adoption; as in the case of the five from Nerva to Marcus. But so soon as the empire fell once more to the heirs by birth, its ruin recommenced. — 

Machiavelli, Discourses on the First Decade of Titus Livy, Book I, Chapter 10.

This tells us a lot about Lebanon and its government.

yours, will 
twitter: @williamchoukeir 

One of the TEDtalks we screened yesterday triggered intense discussions. The ideas and beliefs shared were from all extremes and walks of life. Yes, some were even pro-dictatorship and physical violence.

Yesterday marked our very first TEDxBeirutSalon at LAU, Beirut. With these Salons, we’re bringing you together once a month until the main TEDxBeirut in September. And yesterday we brought together 150 of you. Thank you all for coming, you made it a great success. Discussions included :-)

The talk that triggered the intense discussion was Derek Sivers’s How to start a movement. Somehow, the discussion seemed to gravitate towards: What defines a leader? And who’s more worthy of recognition, the leader or the followers? Watch this 3 minute talk, and then come back to hear my take on this. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

I don’t believe a leader is someone that people follow. In Derek’s talk, what the first lone nut did is simple. He showed everyone that nothing bad will happen to him if he danced on the beach. No consequences. Of course this by itself doesn’t start a movement. People will not get up and start dancing just because he did. There’s another secret ingredient.

Everyone got up and started dancing because they all really wanted to dance in the first place. And because they were afraid… no one did it.

A leader is born when he does something that a lot of people already want to do. He uses himself as an example and abolishes the fear. People do what he’s doing not because he’s telling them what to do. It’s because he’s showing them that it’s OK to do what they’ve always wanted to do. He creates a safety net.

If something goes wrong, he’s the one most likely to suffer the consequences. And so the followers feel safe.

And so this changes the concept of a leader and follower. A leader doesn’t lead, and a follower doesn’t follow. They’re just people doing what they’ve always wanted to do, but wouldn’t (Mostly out of fear).

The TEDxBeirut team isn’t doing this because our curator Patricia is telling us what to do. We’re doing it because each one of us already wanted to do it so much.

Much love,
William Choukeir
twitter: @williamchoukeir 

Be part of the TEDxBeirut Community:
www.tedxbeirut.com
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Traditional marketing is dead — for small to medium businesses (SMBs) at least. And experimenting with anything else is scary and paralyzing.

The strategy and approach that you're using as an SMB works for businesses that have a giant marketing and advertising budget. It doesn't work so well with a tiny advertising budget.

Instead what you should do, being an agile business rather than a giant, is to collect a tribe. By tribe I mean a community. People who have a reason to follow you. People who have a reason to spread the word. And all you have to do is these 2 things. First, give them a reason to follow you, answer the question "why". Second, give them a platform to interact with each other, with you, and most importantly, with the outside world.

Traditional marketing and advertising doesn't work anymore for SMBs. You need to amass a crowd. Host events, gather professionals, inspire them, give them something, initiate conversations, and then give them an online space to continue the conversations they already started. Find influencers in your field, invite them to a gathering. Ask them to help spread the word. Give them a why, inspire them with a vision.

Gather key figures to speak. Some "Big Shot". Maybe you can create a competition where the price is a dinner with "Big Shot".

Create a newsletter, publish it steadily and timely. Give the community something to consume. Give them value. Create a stamp in their minds; A constant reminder of why they should remember you. Why they should follow you. Why they should listen. Why they should care. Why they should tell the world.

Find the why, and everything else falls into place.

Most startups almost always pivot away from the direction that they started out with. It's not too late to pivot in another direction. The earlier the better. Find the why, and pivot towards it. Don't be afraid.

Fear can be paralyzing. Trying out new things can be paralyzing. Experimenting can be paralyzing. It's always easier and safer to stick to the old things that we're used to. Except it's NOT safer. It's just what we convince ourselves. What works for Nestle, or P&G, or similar giants, works because they have a giant budget. I wouldn't expect the same tactics to work with a tiny budget. Small budgets need smarter, lighter, leaner, and more innovative ways of spreading the word.

Get rid of fear. Find the thing that scares you the most. Find the thing that you find the most resistance in doing. That's the thing that you most need to do. Get rid of the fear and do it. Initiate. Innovate. Surprise. Shine.

yours, william

twitter: @williamchoukeir

P.S.: I would love to hear some experiences and ideas from those who managed to create a big fuss with tiny budgets. That way the whole community could benefit.

i got the paragrah below by email this morning, i don't know who the author is.
this realisation was a very important one for me, a year ago, and changed me drastically.
unfortunately, few people around me accepted my change, while most
continued to insist to see me the way i was.
i hope this finds a place in your personal development:

"Time, which changes people, does not alter the image we have retained of them.
Each of us is molded and crafted by the hands of time and
our many experiences on the journey through life.

However, I may keep an outdated vision of myself, my friends and/or loved ones,
as if they hadn't changed. By keeping old images in my mind
I keep people trapped in the past of who they were without seeing their changes.
I myself remain trapped in that same past of who I was without seeing
my changes.

It's time to release myself and others from the cage of the past and
see everyone with new eyes."

yours, will
twitter: @williamchoukeir

something has been keeping me away. actually two things. actually, three

the first is that I never really expected notes to take off the way it did. I was spending around 3 hours a day between writing a note and replying to comments. I had to step back and really think about how much I can afford to dedicate to notes, with my busy schedule re-structuring .:there for design...

this brings me to reason 2. we're re-structuring .:there for design... we've created a new collaboration workflow, we're setting up new procedures, and we've started documenting everything (past & present). we're also installing a new centralized file server and a redundant backup solution. all this to give back to the freelancer and entrepreneur community. for now, you can say we're changing .:there for design... from a closed-off bubble to a network. more details coming in the near future. and reason 3 has been making this very hard to do.

reason 3. and this is something i've been struggling with all my life. I constantly go through cycles of hyper-activity and then 'down' periods. better known as mild depressions. a dear soul privately replied a while back to one of my notes. she shared that she had bipolar disorder or manic-depressive disorder. I read the symptoms and they turned out to be very familiar-sounding.

for 11 years now I've been self-experimenting to get down to the root cause of this. I've tried intense extremes from changing food habits, to meditation, to clothing, to changing locations, to travel, etc.

the only thing that I've managed to do is to bring down the frequency of the cycle from 1-year-up / 1-year-down, to 2-weeks-up / 2-weeks-down. I don't know whether this is better or not, theoretically it's the same proportions. would you rather I disappear for 2 weeks or for a year? I choose 2 weeks. a whole year of depression is unbearable. while 2 weeks of depression break the momentum, and make long-term progress very slow.

lately I realized that my dad probably has it. and my smallest sister probably has it. even more interesting was the realization that they both don't get much sleep. and neither do I. not because I can't. because during my 'hyper' period, I'd be too excited working away at changing the world, that sleep becomes an afterthought. and I'd sleep 2-4 hours a night max during the hyper period. which led to another realization.

one that I've had 3 days ago. when I don't sleep, I don't dream. when I dream (like I did 3 days ago) the issues in my head, causing the depressions, get resolved. they get resolved in the dreams themselves. 3 days ago I've had 5 dreams in one long night. each dream had a conflict (mostly running away/hiding). and each dream ended with a resolution (me being free). and in the morning, after those dreams, I felt better. a whole lot better.

which brings me to this theory I'm testing out right now. dreaming, at least for people in my shoes, is vital for the chemical balance in our brains. it's also vital for resolving all those conflicts that happen on a sub-conscious level. conflicts that we're not even aware of.

and if I can constantly dream out the conflicts and replenish the balancing chemicals in my brain, then I shouldn't fall into those treacherous cycles. and I call them treacherous because the hyper period keeps me awake and away from the dreams that maintain my sanity. and the depression period makes me want to sleep all the time, which over-replenishes the chemicals, and leads to the hyper period, and yet another cycle.

that's my theory at least. so during this experiment, I will sleep constantly and steadily sleep at around 8 or 9 pm and wake up naturally when my body wakes up. and especially during my hyper period, no matter how exciting the work. I will also sleep whenever my body/mind calls for it.

we'll see, if after 11 years of experimenting, I'm finally on to something. I'll let you know.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

pre-requisite: the ego understood. it's simpler than you think (part 1 of 3) -- ENE104a

Andrew Bossone asked after reading part 1: "would you say the ego is a part of us or is a separate entity? if the absence of ego reveals our true self, then are we inauthentic with it?" the truly wonderful thing is that I had written the answer below, before reading his question. and I believe they're a perfect match. thank you Andrew.

how do you feel when you act on your ego? good? how do you feel when you don't act on your ego? does it feel bad? is it hard?

very simply, when you act on your ego, you steal the energy of the other person. and you feel better. when you don't, you feel not-ok. and this makes it very hard to ignore what the ego is telling you; you'll know you'll feel better if you act on your ego. and you also know that the other person will feel worst.

and because the other person will feel worst when you act on your ego and steal his energy, he will, in turn act on his ego and try to steal his energy back from you. this is when you say to him: "do you know that you're acting out of ego? just stop it. ignore your ego." and this is only your ego playing it's trick on your friend so you can keep the energy you stole from him. let's take another case.

take the case of someone egotistically bragging about himself: "I'm the best in ..., I single handedly saved the situation, I caused this and this to happen with no help, if it weren't for me..."

you might think there's no harm to others when someone is bragging this way. you might think he's only harming himself. and you know that's not true. when he brags that he's the best, that means that this gives the impression that others suck, which of course isn't the case. but it bothers all those who do actually deserve credit, or are just as good. and this way, he sucks the energy of this crowd. when he pretends that he single handedly did something, he steals credit from those who did help. this sucks energy from them.

"if it wasn't for me." makes him the center of attention, causing him to suck all the energy of the crowd. and those who deserve part of that energy because of their achievements and contribution, end up having this energy stolen from them. would they feel now that they should act, and get back their energy, and maybe more? I believe that's highly likely.

ego is nothing but the name given to this theft of energy that we are ll guilty of. ego is us. ego is our minds finding ways to steal ever more energy, and justifying it to ourselves so that we can sleep better at night.

this is the era of the energy thieves.

we have all been raised in a culture that teaches us that stealing is wrong. and as a result, we're always living in denial. we deny from ourselves that we are thieves. we have to justify to our own conscience that we're not stealing. we must never find out that we're thieves ourselves. and so, we blame it on invented evil "entity" that no one understands. we call it ego. and we pretend that we ARE good, but controlled by this ego. we claim it treacherous, foxy, and cunning. we pretend that we're unable to leave it's grasp. and all these are even more excuses that we use, so that we would never have to admit to ourselves that we are thieves. there's no ego. there's only us. living in denial.

once you accept this, and once you stop blaming a non-existent entity, only then do you take the first step to getting rid of ego. otherwise, you can never get rid of something that doesn't exist. stop blaming ego. take responsibility for the energy you steal. apologize. and allow the other person to recall his energy.

(next, in part 3 we'll cover how the actions we do when we're alone, are arrows we make an store in our quiver. and how we use these arrows later on to shoot others, steal their energy, and how that is related to ego. see you in part 3)

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. soon: this is the era of the energy thieves. masked as ego, revenge, honor, and pride. with the end of the tribal culture and the rise of the city culture, we switched from one state of acquiring energy to another. and this, I believe, is the core problem of the world today.

I was sitting with hanane. we had talked earlier about energy theft. suddenly a realization starts to form.

ego? what is it really? I've taken many courses in meditation, and they define ego. I talked to people who use the word frequently. it seems everyone assumes they know what it is. and no one I've talked to knows how it works. or why it works that way. for what purpose? what is it?

when you hear someone mention ego, you get the impression that it's some kind of entity inside you. you also get the impression that it's trying to control you, and you should ignore it. you should kill it. get rid of it. be egoless. how are we supposed to do that and we still don't know what it is, how it works, and why it does what it does.

we also know that it's cunning. that it plays mind games. it tricks us into believing that the idea it's suggesting doesn't come from ego. it creates ways for us to justify that our own actions are ego-free. while the harsh reality is the complete opposite. this realization that started to form earlier is now complete. I can say that for myself, I have understood and answered the questions above (for the time being at least). and most importantly I've understood why the ego does what it does. and for me, getting rid of the ego is now easier.

I'll share this realization with you in part 2 (continue to part 2.)

yours, will

twitter: williamchoukeir

p.s. highly related: the destructive power of stealing energy, and what to do about it? -or how to get a life- (part 1 of 2) -- ENE102a

you've heard of the law of karma. if you haven't, it's simple. what you do to others will ultimately happen to you. there's more, but that's all you need for this note.

I think there's either another law that runs parallel to the law of karma. or replaces it. that's not the important part. I'll get to the important soon.

each day I'm getting more experiences that this newly realized law is this: what others do to you, you will ultimately do to others. and it's the "ultimately" part that I'm watching very closely. I'm trying to figure out whether we have a choice in the matter or not. of course you'd love to have a choice, and jump to that conclusion. I'm not so sure.

a customer of ours calls me and 'pressures' me into delivering a print job. I call the printer and put him under the same unpleasant pressure. I almost even use the same words. this is a simple example where the 2 situations are obviously related. and I chose it for that reason. I've experienced many other not so obviously related situations, where I put non-related people under the same situation that I was put in. pleasant and unpleasant. and so much that I can't ignore it anymore.

ok. so the important part is this: knowing that it is possible for you to have to treat others the way you are treated, when you are mistreated, try consciously not to mistreat someone else. it'll make you and them a better person, and everyone else down the chain -- since they will not in turn mistreat someone else, and so on. so the benefit is humongous. break the chain.

and do let me know in a comment if it works out or not. or you could just have this awareness in the back of your head, and watch for any situations that abide by this newly realized potential law. and please come back with a comment so we can all validate this.

if you choose to help out, thank you so much. if not, at least try to break the chain. yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. discover: the destructive power of stealing energy, and what to do about it? (part 1 of 2) -- ENE102a

I got a message from a lovely soul who's down. very down. with no one around him to pick him up. and where everyone around him stole the last bit of his energy. and they're continuing to do so.

he wrote: "[...] how to protect myself when [...] I just want to help others and give. [...] who will pick me up other than myself. I guess no one William. no one. [...] you gotta just do it on your own... and give energy to those you care about... without asking anything in return."

I share my reply below in hope that you might identify with it as well, and  get unstuck:

"thank you so much for finding the energy to write this message, when you have none. 

I love the part where you said that we have to give without expecting anything in return. that's the best thing we can do every time. because, there's a fallacy in the common belief that to feel good, you have to store energy. there's actually something else. something better.

when we store energy, this means we're a container. and like any container, we can get depleted. people who give unconditionally all the time without ever getting depleted, are not actually vast containers of energy. not at all. they are a hose.

a hose passes water through it. a hose isn't the source. a hose taps into the source and moves this water from on place to another. a hose spreads this water to places that have no access to it. a hose is never afraid that his water will run out. because he's not trying to store it anyways. he's just a transmitter. and all he wants to do is have this water run through him.

imagine what would happen if you close one end of the hose. the water inside will start to go stale. it will become murky. leave it closed a bit more, and things start growing on the inside. and they make the passage smaller as they grow. until they close the flow completely. even now, if you reopen the end of the hose, water will only drip out at best. and that's exactly what happens when we stop giving.

the energy in us grows stale and murky. we feel dirty, ugly, heavy, constrained, limited. the hose that used to be transmitting energy abundantly is now a container. and a super tiny one as well. how much water can a hose store? not much. what's the use of a hose if it's filled water, disconnected from the source, and close off at both ends?

how would that closed hose feel if anything he's required to do needs and demands some of that tiny energy stored inside. then, the smallest obstacle becomes a huge a problem. there's so little energy that the hose now holds on to it with all his might. only to watch it grow stale. only to watch it become useless. until a time comes that the hose wishes to just open up!

to connect to a vigorous source. have it run through him with such vigor and force. see it wash out the murkiness, the staleness, re-open the clogged walls. and spread this water again uncontrollably everywhere.

and when you close off a hose connected to a source with your finger, you can feel the immense pressure. and as soon as you remove your finger, you get an explosion of water, an explosion of energy that you've never experienced before. it's so powerful that it lifts you up from your abyss and brings you back to life.

and as soon as the pressure is released, the water flow returns to normal. flowing and spreading all around you. yourself included. and that's why a lot of people feel a sudden, intense, and brief rush of energy when they start any type of spiritual journey; they just opened up, exploded.

so move away from stale people momentarily, until you open up. and open up. connect. give. spread. share. interact. be a hose. energy is all around you. it's in the people. it's in the plants. it's in the animals. it's in the atmosphere. it's everywhere. all you have to do is open up, and let it flow."

(how? see below.)

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. for one of the fastest ways to open up, please read part 2 of the destructive power of stealing energy, and what to do about it?

pre-requisite: this mistake is the root of all arguments. you make it too. -- COM105a

myfutileblabs said...
"[...] What you have said above [in the pre-requisite note], is quite difficult to do when you're faced with people who would NOT reciprocate it back. As in...I could see their view as what they FEEL to be true, but they would always believe their truth to be the ONE and ONLY truth. Makes it hard for me to be understanding. [...] but I guess that's pretty selfish of me isn't it? I should be understanding to BE understanding....it shouldn't be a bargain 'I'll be understanding if you are too' [...]"

so what do you do if you understand that people share experiences, not truths, but the other people don't? they start the argument, they attack, and they refuse to listen? they shut you out.

my brother and I were discussing relativism. and that's such a relative topic by itself, that disagreement is inevitable, except if you approach it this way:

my brother said "relativism is this..."
I reply "I think you're right, because I believe that different people understand realism differently depending on what they know about the subject, which definition they read, from which education and cultural background they come from, etc. what I read and know about relativism gave me my own understanding of it. i feel relativism could be a label, understood differently by different people. i would usually try not to use labels, as they could lead to misunderstandings. instead i prefer to explain the way i see things. to explain my own experience of things. just to prevent these labels from creating misinterpretations. and i believe that sometimes, a big percentage of the population can explain a label in the same way. and for that group, they would have reached a common understanding; and i feel each should explain his understanding of the label, so that they can all agree that they understand it similarly, and also share it with those who have experienced it differently. the way I understand relativism, which I'm sure is different from the way other people understand it, is this..."

notice, my brother started with 'relativism IS...' which was my cue. this means that he believes he's sharing a truth, not his understanding of the label, and that he's also expecting to hear a truth in return. I could have very simple said: "no! that's not relativism..." or "yes, but that's not what it is..."

and instantly that would have created a clash in the mind of my brother. because even thought he expects to hear a truth, by taking the 'yes-but' or 'no' approach, i would have also supported his unhealthy expectations, and made him believe that he is wrong, that I am right, and that i'm going to lie to him by telling him something that isn't THE truth. this instantly stops him from listening. this causes his brain to think of ways to fight back and attack, regardless of what I'm going to say next. even if I say 'yes, but...' and I just repeat exactly what his definition, he will answer back with 'you're wrong...' and add something meaningless to his own definition.

so let me dissect my first reply to my brother, and explain why I believe it works. and it has proven to really work in 100% of the situations that I used it in; so far. I also have to mention that in most cases only steps 1 through 5 are required. I've included 6 through 9 to cover some extreme cases of truth expect-ors, or when you have no idea how the other person will react. use them as you see fit. and never change the order. that's how I've experienced the mind to work, and this is the order that the mind generally responds to.  here's the dissection: 

1. 'i think you're right...' this drops his defenses, and he's ready to listen now, because he expects to hear a truth, and you just approved that what you will say will match his archive of truths; he can relax and listen now. notice I didn't use the word 'but'. because as a general rule, the way the word 'but' is perceived, is that it automatically deletes or negates everything before it. if I say 'yes, but', I just cancelled the yes. meaning that I just told my brother that he lied to me, because he told me the WRONG truth.
   _ 
2. '[...], because...' after I told my brother that he's right, the word 'because' creates curiosity. people love to know the 'why'. they love to understand, and hear someone telling them 'why' they are right. this makes them 100% receptive to what you're going to say next.
   _ 
3. 'I believe that...' now that my brother is 100% receptive, I switch his expectations from: 'he's going to tell me the REAL reason to why I'm right' to: 'he's going to tell me why HE believes I'm right, which might or might not the true'. and since people love to be right, and I'm telling him why I believe he's right, his mind will find ways to justify what I'm saying, and convince itself that what I'm saying is true.
   _ 
4. 'different people understand things differently...' here I give him the reason why he's right. I've prepared his mind to convince itself that what I'm going to say is true. and this makes him accept that the way he presented relativism might be different from the way I will present it, AND it will not clash with his presentation, because each of us can understand it differently. this also justifies why he's right. he's entitled to his own explanation, and for him to remain 'right' he was to also allow me to be 'right'.
   _ 
5. 'I feel relativism is...' this goes hand in hand with the expectation I planted in my brother, he expects my interpretation, I gave him something even better: 'a feeling'. which is something more personal than 'I think', and it's even more justifiable in his head that 2 people can completely feel 2 different things about the same topic.
   _ 
6. '[...]  i would usually try not to use labels, as they could lead to misunderstandings, and instead...' after setting up the stage to explain my experience of relativism, there's one last vital thing I did before I actually shared my experience. I gently diffused his belief that a word has only one definition, and i de-associated the word 'relativism' from his definition of the word. I also called it a label. people generally agree that the same object can have many labels, and many objects  can have one label. now he's ready to listen to how 'i' label relativism, and he's totally ok and even expecting it to be different from his label.
   _ 
7. '[...] my own experience of things, just to prevent these labels from creating misinterpretations, I believe that...' here i've explicitly told him that I will share an experience, prepared him for one, and explained the consequences to expecting a truth. now it's also important to keep reminding him that i'm sharing an experience. you can see the keywords that I used throughout my reply to do just that.
   _ 
8. 'i believe [...] a big percentage of the population can explain a label in the same way [...] and reach a common understanding; and i feel each should explain his understanding [...] so that they can all agree [...] and also share it with those who have experienced it differently...' here, I gave the mind of my brother a justification to this objection that he had: 'but there are facts, truths, and these have nothing to do with how people perceive them!' and since he still wants to be right, he will use the explanation that I just fed him to self-diffuse his own objection.
   _ 
9. ' [...] the way I understand relativism, which I'm sure is different from the way other people understand it, is this...' finally, I share my experience of the subject. without forgetting to remind him first, that I'm still sharing an experience. and that this experience might be different for every person.

expect to hear an experience and prepare the other to hear an experience every time. now you can. understand the mind. learn the steps, and you'll be armed with one of the more powerful tools to deal with people who believe their truth is the only truth.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

ps. highly related and soon: "but: a double edged sword. how not to cut yourself in the process?"

cheat sheet:

• I think you're right because i believe different people understand this in different ways ...
• I feel that ...
• I believe ...
• my own experience is ...
• the impression i personally got from what you said is ... (instead of: you were mean)
• what you said made me feel ... (instead of: you were patronizing)

pre-requisite: the destructive power of stealing energy, and what to do about it? (part 1 of 2) -- ENE102a

how do you prevent someone from stealing your energy? how you prevent yourself from stealing someone else's energy? how do you raise your energy level if you have none in the first place? where to get energy from? the single most overlooked habit that makes you 'think' you're raising your energy. and how to keep your energy high, and get real signs when it's falling?

of course, there are many ways to recharge your energy. most are not really practical for most people. meditation is one of those ways. it takes years to master, it takes lots of dedication and effort, and you need a community around you that can already meditate effectively. and most of the time, the community comes with it's own rules and regulations. you start by just wanting to boost your energy level, and then they either ask you to stop meat, or they ask you to wake up at a certain time, or sleep at a certain time. or you have to watch what you eat,  and when you eat it. or you have to fast before you meditate, etc. of course these are fine for someone who's looking for a spiritual path. that person doesn't mind waiting 3 years to see results. but not you.

what if you want to go on with your normal life, doing the things you love, being with the people you like, and at the same time be fully recharged, happy, stress-less, and radiating energy? what if you want today to stop stealing the energy of people? and help them not steal yours? is it really possible? I believe it is. my friend who initiated the conversation behind this note tried it. and she called me up the next day telling me that it already made a difference in her relationship.

and keep in mind, although it's simple enough, and it completely integrates into your daily life, it does take conscious effort to actually initiate it at first. you can't be lazy and do this at the same time. if you're looking for a way that works while being lazy, you will NEVER find one. you have to choose, you can either be lazy, or happy. and this is hard, especially if your energy level is very low initially. but once you start, it basically maintains itself. and also grows you, matures you, evolves you uncontrollably, and greatly expands your comfort zone: spiritually, mentally, socially, and emotionally.

I'll just plainly state it, and then explain exactly the process, how it works, and why it works. and don't be fooled by it's simplicity:
"do hard and challenging things that you enjoy + surround yourself with the tribe and culture around those things."

notice, I said "hard and challenging things". doing things that you simply enjoy will not work. why? doing easy things is well, easy. and easy things require little energy, and no effort. you can enjoy eating, sleeping, shopping, watching dvds, but that won't boost your energy. that will just make you feel ok temporarily. once the activity is done, you'll probably feel worst than when you started.

doing hard and challenging things require high levels of energy, effort, and hard work. and the first step to raising your energy level is for you to enjoy doing those challenging things. I'll get the why soon. first I want to give examples of challenging activities that I love doing so you can get a clearer picture: running, hiking, climbing, TEDx salon gatherings, challenging conversations with geeks, technical problem solving, visiting old villages and mingling with strangers and elders, collective cooking, etc. now as you can see, besides the first two, I can't really do these activities by myself. and even those that I can do by myself, I don't.

there are always other people involved. first, let me tell you why it's vital for the activities to be hard. imagine you have a thermometer, but instead of temperature, it gauges the amount of effort each activity requires. sleeping, eating, shopping are on the very bottom of the thermometer scale. climbing, mentally demanding conversations, and problem solving score very high on the scale. this means that for you to climb, you need a high level of energy. which also means that if you climb often, you're constantly making sure that your level of energy is high, or else you can't climb.

and for me, this is the only sign that I need to make sure that my energy is alway high. if the day i've planned to go to TEDx comes, but I don't feel like it, I'd rather not get out of bed, showering, and driving at 9pm seems like a chore. then, that's my cue. my energy level is low. and laziness is seeping in. and the only way to prevent my energy from going down even further, is to actually get up, shower, get dressed, and leave. and I'm sure you're wondering:

"but if your energy is low, how can you do the hard activities in the first place? and if these activities actually require lots of energy, wouldn't doing them actually cause you to loose energy?!"

and the answer is simple: other people. and this is the single most overlooked habit that makes you think you're "getting a life". the friend who initiated this note told me: "but I never stopped dancing, nor any of my other activities, but I feel so drained and stressed anyways." and I ask her: "what do you do after your dancing class?" she says, nothing, everyone leaves. you see now what the problem is?

those hard activities are never about the activities themselves. they're about the tribes that comes with them. the people. the energies of the people. the collective. imagine you're constantly surrounded by people who have a very high energy. imagine you're constantly interacting with these people. imagine the explosions, and exponential multiplication of the collective energy in the group. remember this paragraph from part 1:

"the best possible scenario in any relationship is where both couples have a lot of energy to spare, and when they get together, no one tries to steal. instead, they share, they give, they exchange, they grow into each other. and amazingly this creates an explosive atmosphere of energy. the energy that they both came in with, multiplies exponentially. they both have an experience that takes their breath away. it feels like paradise. it is. and they both end up with an energy tenfold more than they came in with, and also a different, higher, more vibrant quality. and an experience that's out of this world."

now imagine the very same experience is the one you have in every single activity that you do. how can you be unhappy? how can you have low energy? how can you feel depleted? you absolutely can't. because these are hard and challenging activities that require high energy, and they are surrounded by a tribe with tenfold more energy than is required by these activities. so even if your energy is depleted, just get up and go.

as soon as you get to your tribe, you will recharge in mere minutes from the energy of the collective. and this is different from stealing. in a one-on-one situation, one person can only take from the other. in a 3 person situation, if 2 people with high energy are already creating explosions of energy, the 3rd can absorb all he wants without depleting anyones energy. in a group where most members have very high energy, explosions are happening constantly, and energy is radiated in abundance. everyone is free to take all he wants, because once these low energy members are recharged, they will then contribute to the collective explosions of the group. this is what a tribe is. the tribe collectively supports and boosts members to raise them all to the collective high level of energy.

and this is how you can prevent yourself from stealing someone else's energy, and prevent someone else from stealing yours: if someone is trying to steal yours, involve at least a 3rd person with already a high level of energy. if you're trying to steal someone else's, then go out and do hard and challenging activities, and most importantly, surround yourself with the tribe around those activities. don't make the mistake that my friend did. don't just go to dancing class and leave. mingle with the tribe, share, interact, and multiply the collective energy exponentially. 

that's how you not only fix your relationship, that's how you fix your life. that's how you never have an argument again. that's how you grow, you evolve, and you find happiness in everything that you do. and one activity isn't enough, the more activities you have, the more variety you have, the better the quality of energy that you radiate. and the move value you bring to your tribes, and ultimately to your life.

easy tasks require little energy. you don't need high energy to get them done. and they are surrounded by people with low energy.

hard activities ensure that you always have a high level of energy to perform them. and they are always surrounded by people creating explosions of energy. go out, find your tribes, and mingle.

that's meditation for the rest of us.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

highly related: you/him/her: I'm sick of doing it your way, I want us to do it my way -- ENE101

I was chatting with a friend over tea. it seemed that whenever she got together with her boyfriend, things went down the drain. she was telling me how they're both stressed out, and how they try to take it out on each other all the time. which by itself creates more stress.

they're both exhausted emotionally, and have a very low level of energy. no matter how they try to resolve their arguments, it won't work. because the problem in the first place isn't in the relationship itself.

relationships are all about energy. people get together and exchange energy. my friend and her boyfriend both have a very low energy level. when they get together, all they do is try to steal each others' energy. and since they both have very little energy to spare, and both are attempting to steal, an argument is unavoidable.

lets assume another scenario, where my friend has a very high energy level, and her partner a low energy level. when they get together, her partner will try to steal her energy.  and because she has a lot energy to spare, and she gives it willingly. they balance each other out. she ends up with lower energy and feeling less happy, and her partner leaves with higher energy, and feeling better. if my friend isn't generating a lot of energy when she's away from her boyfriend, the next time when they together, there will definitely be a clash. the boyfriend is disappointed, trying to steal energy that doesn't exist, and now she's also trying to steal his, again, to compensate for hers.

the worst part of this, is that it creates a dependency. it creates an attachment that's intensely painful when broken. if the only source of energy for boyfriend is her, then what happens when she travels, or when she's away for a little while. where does he get his energy from? he has so little energy, he won't even bother figuring out other sources. he'll feel pain, loneliness, 'missing', he'll demand that she comes back, he'll eat a lot, and sleep all the time, hoping this will compensate for missing energy. of course it doesn't. that only feeds the body. ultimately this can lead to being overly possessive, jealous, depressed, and possibly, physically violent.

the best possible scenario in any relationship is where both couples have a lot of energy to spare, and when they get together, no one tries to steal. instead, they share, they give, they exchange, they grow into each other. and amazingly this creates an explosive atmosphere of energy. the energy that they both came in with multiplies exponentially. they both have an experience that takes their breath away. it feels like paradise. it is. and they both end up with an energy tenfold more than they came in with, and also a different, higher, more vibrant quality. and an experience that's out of this world.

you have to be aware here. what made this magical experience happen, is that both people came in with lots of energy to spare. and for this to work every time, they both need to come in with that much energy. they can make the mistake of relying on each other for energy, and cut off from the sources that fueled them with the high level of energy. this is the beginning of the end of that relationship. because, with no other energy sources but each other, the collective energy will ultimately drain out. fast. and the fight for energy begins again.

this is why, it's vital that you keep your energy level high at all times. it's vital that you don't cut off from your different energy sources. and it's ultimately destructive to rely one person, as your source. destructive for both of you.

what to do about it? how do you prevent someone from stealing your energy? how you prevent yourself from stealing someone else's energy? how do you raise your energy level if you have none in the first place? where to get energy from? the single most overlooked habit that makes you 'think' you're raising your energy. and how to keep your energy high, and get real signs when it's falling? continue to part 2 -- ENE102b

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s highly related: you/him/her: I'm sick of doing it your way, I want us to do it my way -- ENE101

it's been months I haven't slept at home in the mountains/village. it's early Christmas morning. I'm out for a walk with my dog, michat. and during this walk something amazing happened, magical i could say. but before I get to that, let me tell how all the walks I've taken when I was still living here went like.

I walk with michat, I see people on the way, some are walking dogs, others are just walking. we barely nod to each other, and each goes his own way. this is a typical walk. today, something different happened.

I meet a Hindu man who always used to walk his huge dog. we never talked. his dog was fierce and unaprochable. but today, he says Merry Christmas. his dog jumps on me all exited and can't get enough of loving me. even more than michat would do when I return home after a long absence. the hindu man, I later learn was named ara-something, walks with me for a minute until he gets home. I was compelled to ask him if he's happy here. and indeed he is. it's obvious in his eyes, and on his face. we talk about India, my journey there, the Indian clothes I was wearing, his family, his visits to India. I pat him on his shoulder. I ask for his name, and repeat it after him. I leave with an immense feeling of happiness. and make great effort to remember his name. something distracts me, the name goes.

an Egyptian man walks by me. we maintain eye contact. i smile, a big smile. for a while he seems hesitant, but finally gives in. he smiles back while maintaining eye contact. a pleasant moment.

later, I see a big man with a sandwich in his mouth. without hesitation, he asks me about michat. "that's a collie?". "a mix between collie and something else", I reply. he talks to me about his dog farm, his 19,000$ German shepard dog, etc. all in all a pleasant guy, with a perception that animals are merchandise. we shake hands, and share names. I make no effort to remember his name. yet I feel tremendous love towards him.

I see a man in the distance. his husky is trying to espape his leash to play with michat. that's the same guy I used to see years ago walking his puppy husky. he's grown. we're face to face, Salah and I. he asks a question, "yes, that's my dog", I answer with a big smile. I go on telling him how I used to see him walking his now grown puppy. he seemed in a bit of a hurry to leave, maybe out of slight discomfort. I instantly pull out my hand out of my pocket, without any hesitation, intending to shake his hand. I firmly say my full name. his discomfort goes away, and firmly shaking my hand he says: "Salah, Salah skaff." an electrifying beautiful feeling runs trough my body. what a handsome mature man he is, with his white hair and beard. suddenly it hit me.

I could feel all the energy exchanged between me and all these people. I could sense how the energy flowed when we shook hands, or when I patted them on the back. I couldn't understand why this didn't happen everytime I used to go walking. it's an amazing feeling. and then it hit me again. what do all these people have in common? dogs. even the guy who wasn't walking his dog, turned out to have a dog farm which he was going to. I decide I should write this experience down.

with the intense feeling still with me, I feel that people should live with animals hand in hand. we should share this world without boundaries or limits. we should interact, and talk to each other at every occassion. it's wrong to pass so close to each other on the road, and not interact. this creates negativity, and discomfort with the other. any one of those people, and all of then could be my best friend. oh! what I love I have for all living beings. from now on, I'm replacing the word living being with "loving" being. that's our true nature. why mask it with something else? something mondane? we are loving beings. and that's how I'll live my life.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. to those of you who celebrate christmas: have a merriest christmas

impressing efficiently is about setting low expectations first and then doing the mediocre :-)

(recommended only if it's a game you have to play, AND where resources and constraints allow you to only do the mediocre -- otherwise, don't play.)

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. related: why neglecting the scope of your game is key to loosing it? and 2 steps to winning.

into boys? read this:
you do what you want your way.
he does what he wants his way.
the relationship is the intersection between the two.

into girls? read this:
you do what you want your way.
she does what she wants her way.
the relationship is the intersection between the two.

update: I received a comment below asking: "what if the 2 never intersect?" and for this I have 2 answers.

1. a prerequisite for my advice to work, is that there's love or genuine attraction between the couple. of course this will not work when only one side wants the relationship. and based on this, you have to accept that some relationships are just 'inconvenient' for both sides. when each person in the relationship does things that keeps him away from the other person person all the time, how can there be a relationship? if one person has to compromise and sacrifice to be with the other person, this beats the purpose of course.

let's take hanane and I as an example: I enjoy getting together with people and having mentally challenging conversations; hanane can't stand that. if she were to come along because she wants to spend time with me, she'll end up having a miserable evening listening to people sharing complex & sometimes pointless thoughts. which beats the point of us being together. if you make this the norm in your relationship, then you have a very inconvenient situation, which sometimes is best resolved by either dropping the relationship, or considering point 2:

2. if nothing ever intersects between the activities of the couple, this could be fine. as long as the couple makes time to come together, be together, spend time together, make love together, talk together and share; then these become the common activities :-) and a relationship can be built on those. sometimes one of the most rewarding experiences is sharing with your partner stories and experiences about your activities, and hearing his in return.

i made a sketch below to clear things up:

top sketch: you have hanane's circle of activities, and you have mine. and you can see the activities that intersect between us. now i've tried each of hanane's activites once, and she has tried each of mine once, just so that we can experience and understand the life of the other person. but that's it, i'd never expect hanane to come with me climbing, and she would never ask me to go with her to an illustration workshop. we simply enjoy tremendously the activities between us, and each enjoys tremendously his own activities. and the magic happens when we get together and share.
bottom sketch: this is a case where there are no common activities between the couple. as you can see, the activities in the middle are basic human requirements, and are common to 99% of the population. and a healthy relationship can be based on just those basic activities.

when you start dropping what you want to do, so you can be with your partner, that's when you start killing your relationship.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related: the destructive power of stealing energy, and what to do about it? -or how to get a life- (part 1 of 2) -- ENE102a

note to self: a friendship is structured this way, and it works on the long run for both friends because of this. for an intimate relationship to be healthy it has to have all the components of a friendship + the intimate bit.

we faced some major technical problems at the studio a few weeks ago. this set us behind schedule in a lot of our projects. we managed to make up for all of them; except one.

at the same time, I launched notes. and readers have been saying beautiful things.

now between our other projects, and our late project, I have a negative amount of time left for notes. meaning, any time i spend on notes is time stolen from either that late project or from our other projects. the rational thing here is to drop notes for a while and put all efforts on saving one of our income generating projects.

except, it's not the rational thing to do. tony hsieh, CEO of zappos.com, in his book 'delivering happiness', wrote about poker. he made this analogy that a business, and ultimately life is like a poker game.

in poker, the player that wins most hands isn't necessarily the one who wins the game. the best poker players understand that winning the game involves purposely loosing a lot of hands strategically, while the other players are under the impression that they're winning.

apply this to your project, business, and life, and you'll start seeing things in the scope of the long-term. you'll start seeing how everything fits in the big picture, instead of having a very short-sighted vision that gives you the impression of winning... until you ultimately loose.

back to my situation. I could put notes aside for a while and concentrate all efforts to save this late project. especially that notes doesn't come with a client, and I'm my own boss. notes doesn't generate any income. and notes will still be there when I pick it up again. while that late project is time sensitive, comes with a boss, and generates a considerable income; not only by itself, also from future referrals and word of mouth, that the client and the project itself generates.

notes has gathered a unique momentum, and once dropped will not pick up again with the same vigor. I would definitely win the hand by dropping notes. and I would ultimately loose the game. although within the scope of our studio alone, dropping notes does save the game.

except, the poker game for me, involves all projects I'm working on: for the studio, in parallel with the studio, for myself, and for the community/world. my poker is that of life as a whole. not my life alone, the collective life of everyone i influence; present and future. even those I've never met. and everything I do falls into that.

2. isolating each business, project, venture, and decision from the whole might win you the hand. but ask yourself: will it help me win the game?

1. I set the scope of my game. did you?

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related: how failures create your biggest successes (how I failed)

(for context and the story of my realisation below, please read this story on the TEDxRamallah open blog)

all arguments start before anyone begins talking.

let's suppose I'm explaining to you the root of all arguments. you would expect and assume that what I'm saying is true. almost everyone would.

what happens next is simple: all of us believe that there could only be one truth about any one topic. so you take this truth that you're reading now and you compare it to the truth you have about this topic. if it matches, you nod, and if it doesn't you say: "but no..." and the endless, pointless argument starts. communication stops. from this point on, everything i say stops being a truth, and becomes a lie. your eyes might still be reading this, but your mind is completely in denial. why? because there could only be one truth.

now if what I'm claiming to be the root of all arguments matches with your truth of the topic, then you're still listening and waiting for the cure.

and the cure is simple, instead of assuming that what I'm telling you is true, assume that what I'm telling you is what I feel and think about this topic; my experience. and since we all believe that 2 people can feel and think 2 different things about the same topic, then there's no clash. even if you do compare it with your bank of knowledge, and it turns out to be different, it doesn't clash, and instead of saying: "but no..." you'd say: "for me it's different..." or "I understand, and I see it differently..." or "u have a point there, I never saw it that way...". and instead of an argument, you'd get a constructive conversation, and even sometimes a constructive debate. and at all times, your mind would still be listening.

people never share truths. they share what they believe to be true. they share their feelings, their thoughts, their experiences. and assuming these to be "the truth" will lead to an argument. take them as they are: feelings, thoughts, experiences.

that's why very few people can actually communicate with each other. and that's why all arguments start before anyone begins talking. now you know how to prevent it.

post-requisite: people expect to hear a truth - how to prepare their minds for an experience with these 9 steps? -- COM105b

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. more advanced and soon: why there isn't one truth about any topic -and- how the scientific method destroyed our ability to communicate

a public tribute to seth, and the story of how I failed, to succeed:

I though of making my private notes public not a long time ago. I just never made a decision to take action on it, until this happened:

on December 10th I read that Seth godin ( www.sethgodin.com ) is requesting applicants for a 7 month-long project. the 2 people accepted would be personally mentored by Seth Godin, and payed a large sum.

without hesitation or any failure-related thoughts, I applied. one field in the application said: "online presence -- where do you live online, where do we find out more about you." I could only think of twitter. except, I knew that Seth hated twitter. he doesn't tweet. and he generally doesn't like the dynamics of it. blogs are more his thing. so intuitively I write the address to this blog, and submit. except, at that time, it was an empty blog. there was no content in it. nothing at all.

and suddenly I realize: oh shit! to have the slightest chance to be accepted, I have to actually publish something considerable before the 14th. and that's when it hit me. this is the perfect opportunity to make my private notes public! (2 in 1) and I announce it instantly with this note.

of course, this is a story about how I failed, to succeed. so I fail. Seth doesn't want me (for now at least :-). but what's amazing is that he ended his request for applicants this way: "I hope each one of you gets something out of this, even if we don't get a chance to work together." thank you Seth - because magically, that's exactly what happens.

if I didn't reply to seth's request I wouldn't have made my notes private at the right timing. and it wouldn't have led to notes.  I would have never found this most valuable community, and these lovely people willing to write comments longer than the notes themselves. people that actually contribute, dig deeper, and provide sharp insights into what it means to be human. a community with the intention of building the collective knowledge; as opposed to arguing from an egotistical perspective. a community that genuinely believes in collectively making a statement against privacy-generated fears. a community for openness, for sharing, and for mutual collaboration.

notes is a huge success. in 3 days (at the time of writing this): more than 27,000 note views, and more than 100 full-content comments. it's beautiful to see this success for openness and sharing. I'm overwhelmed.

you, reading this now, thank you so much.

you made this happen. you are creating an open world. this is your success. and it could only have come after failure.

you can fail too.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related: how do we protect ourselves from failure with this habit?

a recent friend opened a blog ( http://myfutileblabs.posterous.com/ ) and published one post. the post ended this way:

"...Pretty standing boring blog I think. Oh well. Gotta work on my integrity. Not as in truth and honesty. As in, standing for what I believe in and fuck the rest. Because an American mind definitely needs something like that in a world that is not so American at all. Especially...when it comes to politics and religion. Ex both of them out, and I think we could create something wonderful. Keep spirituality though...this is something quite natural and enjoyable..."

my reply:

"p.s. boring is something we say to ourselves to protect ourselves in case of failure; when deep inside we know that it's very well not the case."

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. sometimes, when you're not underestimating yourself, purposefully decreasing the expectations of the audience leads them to having a better, richer experience.
+ closely related to the fear that paralyses us:  the endless cycle of inventing projects and postponing decisions, and what to do about it

William C. thank you hanane for doing the amazing christmas hat chair. i'm amazed & super satisfied. it's flawless.
Hanane K. oh come on! it's nothing.
William C. you should learn to say thank you. aftab taught me this [thank you aftab]
Hanane K. because people like to be appreciated :)
William C. it's very important for the person giving you praise. it makes them feel disappointed when you don't say thank you, and appreciated when you do.
Hanane K. thank you

answering 'thank you' to praise in a genuine way, involves intense exchange of emotions, which isn't an easy thing to do. I believe the best way to get the intensity of these emotions across, is this: share with you a phone call that I got right after the chat conversation above. but let me first share 2 thoughts:

if you think saying thank you to praise is ego, it's not. it's gratitude. ego comes with its own egotistical intension. if someone is showing you gratitude, and you're thinking: 'yeah i know, you don't have to tell me, i don't need you.' and you say 'thank you' with those thoughts, you're right, that's ego. while on the other hand, if you really feel the gratitude within you, and whithin the other person, and you say 'thank you' from that place; then the other person would feel your gratitude towards him. he deserves it. just say it.

but it's HARD! it really is. I still can't get myself to say it in front of live praise most of the time. writing it is easy. it's also less effective, and still better than not saying it at all. but to be able to say it 'live' without sounding egotistical needs you to shed some layers of complexity & defenses, and actually connect with the other person. you need to step out of your comfort zone.

this is the phone conversation:   ...a friend calls me to thank me for my notes. she tells me how much notes touched her, and how timely they are at this time in her life. she says beautiful things that i didn't even dare to believe. and she's very genuine is her 'praise'. I can feel her gratitude, and I am grateful of hers'... and i still can't get myself to say 'thank you.' it's so hard. i pull that extra bit of strength that i have in me, I step out of my comfort zone... and i say it out of pure gratitude: 'thank you so much'...

instantly, she stops talking. i feel an overwhelming rush of energy within me. a sense of instant 'lightness'. bliss. something has changed. after a brief silence, she tries to say something. her voice has changed as well. it's as if there's something stuck in her throat. whatever I'm feeling, she feels it too. there was no doubt about it. it feels like we have both been elevated to another blissful place. it's overwhelming. I get a tear of joy in my eye. I could hear her crying as well.

no matter how hard it is, when someone praises you, say thank you. you owe it to the person. you owe it to yourself.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related: can you? (a magical exercise to expand your comfort zone exponentially)

context:

• for non-arabic speakers, "ya-allah" is used to express: "oh god" why? why me? what have I done to deserve this? -- while "yalla" is used to used to express: "hurry up" and "come on" do it! what are you waiting for? just get it done.
• the power of "yalla" was first coined by YallaStartup.org and I first experienced it first hand during YallaStartup weekend, which i later explained to hanane.
• the conversation below is a chat conversation between hanane and myself:

Hanane K. i have this friend mr. y, and i know how his life was and is like. and i have to admit that he has so much problems... the thing is that he never forgets these problems and he keeps on looking at his life with this "ya-allah" attitude. he is always the victim (of course in his head). he projects his anger on everything... and i think it's all because of this "ya-allah" attitude instead of the "yalla" one...

...and i think that he is bringing more and more problems to himself because he is in this victim attitude. he will only see the bad things and maybe sometimes miss some opportunities...

...i have another friend, mr. x who i think has this "yalla" spirit instead.  he has a positive attitude towards the world. maybe because he has this attitude, he was able to see that he can benefit from the fact that he can live with his parents and do the projects he wants, [and he's been doing projects like crazy]... for the other mr. y it's like: "ya-allah", i have to work to make money so I can do my own projects, and i don't want to work, I want my own projects. i don't want to ask my parents for money, and I don't want to live with them. my life sucks "ya-allah"! [and he is missing opportunities that could change his situation to the better.]...

... what i am saying is too theoretical. if i had mr. Y's life, maybe now i would've been somewhere on the road stealling people's money.

William C. you're absolutely right, saying something is a lot easier than doing it. I believe the people that this awareness can help most, are those who don't have the problems yet. this could help those who aren't saying "ya-allah" yet.  and if/when they get the problems, then they can realize how they're acting. they can realize that they are in "ya-allah" mode, and jump into "yalla" mode instead. I believe the key is to practice and experience the power of "yalla", so that when "ya-allah" kicks in, you can kick it out...

...for those already stuck in "ya-allah" mode, it's definitely 50 times harder. but at least now that they are aware of what the problem is, they are one small step closer to changing their attitude and closer to experiencing the power of "yalla!"...

...another thing that greatly helps those that are stuck, is community support. when someone is surrounded by people who all have the power of "yalla" in them, then this time it's 50 times easier to overcome "ya-allah" mode and actually get something done.

...wow hanane!! you just created a note! :-D thank you, now i will share it with the world.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related: how the path of the warrior can help you complete your project.

(thanks aftab)

Equipment: 
Pie Tin
Blender

Ingredients:
1 Block of Silken Tofu (drained)
1 Graham Cracker Pie Crust (follow the directions on the box)
1 cup chocolate soy-milk
1/3 a cup cocoa powder
1/2 a cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
*optional: 1/4 a cup chocolate chips
*optional: garnish with strawberries

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cut block of tofu into small chunks and put into the blender. Add the soymilk, sugar, vanilla extract, and cocoa powder and blend well until there are no large chunks of tofu. If you'd like add chocolate chips. Once all are combined pour into the pie crust and bake for 35-60 mins (depending on your oven) or until the top appears solid. Chill for 1-2hrs before serving. Garnish with Strawberries.

enjoy! :)

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

Vaguely related because of the Italian spaghetti picture: That's how I am. I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry.

angle A:
if Steve jobs didn't quit university he would never have founded apple & pixar. and if mark zuckerberg didn't quit university, he would never have been able to grow facebook.

angle B:
if Steve jobs never went to university, he would never have met his started the mac project with his partner who created the Mac. if mark zuckerberg never went to university, he would've never have been exposed to the exclusive clubs, he would never have gotten the idea for facebook, and he would never have had the clubs spread it the explosive way that they did.

in other words, according to history: stay in university until you're actually working on a project that takes all of your time. but history isn't really a way to predict the future.

for me, it doesn't really matter where you are, nor what you're doing. what matters is where you are at a certain point in time, and what are you doing during that point time.

every once in a while a train passes by. to catch it, you have be at the train stop exactly when it stops, and you have to actually leave everything behind and get on the train. and that might feel scary, but if you don't get on the train, then you chose to miss out. don't blame life.

so I would say, don't use your mind. use your guts. do what intuitively feels right, no matter what everyone around you is saying. and if you do that, you have my support, whether you choose to drop out or not.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. to find out what the fear does and how to overcome it: the endless cycle of inventing projects and postponing decisions, and what to do about it.

I have a friend that talks to me whenever she feels bad. and when she feels better, she leaves to go do what we talked about. except that what she needs to do is hard, and this creates stress. so to protect itself from the stress, her mind looks back to see when was the last time that there wasn't any stress? oh! when talking to William. so my friend comes back for another de-stressing conversation, it feels good, and the cycle continues.

and this is the same thing with starting new projects. you come up with a project, and it's all exciting. you're all happy and can't wait to make the project a reality. right now, no obstacle can stand in your way. you start working on your project. you hit an obstacle, and it's hard. stress kicks in. so to protect itself, your mind goes looking for the last time when you felt good, and there wasn't any stress: 'oh! when I was inventing a project.' so you get to inventing another project. and it feels good. and the cycle continues.

years later you realize that all you've done during that time is invent new projects. but you havn't actually accomplished anything.

and making a decision is the same thing. when the time comes when you ultimately have to make a decision, you get stressed out. and your mind goes to the last thing you did to remove the stress: 'oh! postponing the decision.' or asking somebody's opinion. and that makes you feel better. and so the cycle goes on.

and making a decision is hard because there's no security. there's fear. you don't know whether it's the right decision or the wrong decision. and guess what? no one knows either. there are only those who don't know, and those who pretend they know. and now your mind starts imagining all these scenarios of what would happen if it's the wrong decision. and the fear paralyses you. and you get stressed. and you postpone yet again. all of this creates an endless loop of unhappiness and stress. 

the best way to overcome those loops is to make a decision now, and stick to it. choose an obstacle now, and overcome it. decide on a project, and ship it. don't come back. don't postpone, and by all means don't invent another project.

update (14dec2010): for this to work you have to actually BELIEVE that the only way to do this is to make effort. there's no other way. it will be hard, and full of obstacles. as long as you're looking for shortcuts, you'll be stuck in the loop. once you genuinely BELIEVE that there are no shortcuts, you will choose an obstacle, and overcome it. then choose another and overcome it. when you genuinely believe this, that's when the magic starts to happens.

update: for deeper insights, and more detailed recommendations, please read the comments.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. related topic coming later: the secret to self-made happiness.

I was having a conversation with hanane, and I was explaining to her a direction for a project. after repeating multiple times, I over-reacted and said: 'but you don't understand!'

and that's when I realized that this instantly made her a lot more insecure about her non-understanding. and a lot more likely to beat herself up and understand even less.  so I took a moment of silence and thought to myself: 'maybe it's not hanane that's not getting it. maybe I'm taking the wrong approach for hanane in explaining things.' then I spoke:

'I'm sorry, I reacted. let me explain it this way...' this instantly removed the blame away from hanane, and 2 minutes later we were both heading down the same direction.

sometimes we make assumptions about where the other person is, and this makes us feel that we're talking into a wall, and that nothing is getting through. and more likely than not, it's usually us who are not putting things into context before explaining. it usually has nothing to do with the other persons' comprehension.

when you hear yourself saying: 'but you don't understand!' that's your queue. stop. think. say: 'let me explain it this way' then put things in the right context for the other person, and then get your idea across.

update: for greater insights, and how to handle some specific situations, please read the comments.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related and soon: how you always sabotage your conversation with this one habit AND how do you put things into context

There are souls in this world which have their gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go.

remember 'the girl with terminal illness'? (if not, read it here and then come back.) she's one of those souls. she lived her life finding joy everywhere. and long after she's gone, she's still planting this joy in the hearts of countless people she has never met.

are you inspired to do the same? I am.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related: how to leave behind joy, not wealth.

Money has no value other than being something you consume to move forward and live a bigger life. there's no point in saving money only to die with lots of it. spend it on experiences instead. spend it on finding joy, and spreading it everywhere you go.

when it's time for you to go, that's what you'll leave behind: joy.

update: for deeper insights, please refer to the comments.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir 

p.s. closely related: souls and the gifts they leave behind. are you one of them?

"the difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is that a warrior sees everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man sees everything as either a blessing or a curse."

_Don Juan, carlos castaneda, a separate piece

a friend was telling a while back, what a blessing it was that a prominent local figure was interested in her project and how he wanted to see the project through, and even fund it. (we'll call this figure mr. x for practicality)

today this friend tells me that mr. x is not responding to her calls anymore. and how she feels that the whole project went down the drain. in other words, mr. x which was once a blessing is now a curse.

my friend could take don juan's advice and handle the situation like a warrior. a warrior would perceive this mr. x as a challenge from day one, instead of a blessing. and later when this mr. x loses interest, the warrior now has yet another challenge to be overcome. but in any case, the project doesn't stop.

mr. x isn't the reason behind the project. he's a catalyst that could speed things up. if he's not interested anymore, a warrior finds someone else.

i asked my friend: 'what would you feel if in the close future someone announces a project like yours, and your friends ask you: why did you stop working on your project? what would you tell them? mr. x didn't take my phone calls anymore? that's your reason to quitting your project?'

luckily, my friend decided to take the path of the warrior and to persevere until completion. you can too.

update: for deeper insights, and specific examples, please refer to the comments.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related: the endless cycle of inventing projects and postponing decisions, and what to do about it.

the whole idea of finding a shortcut for creating a culture of spirituality started when I was attending a training workshop. I was part of a youth committee for social transformation.

the trainer was telling us that change can take lifetimes to happen. he said that he's been in this domain for 3 decades, working for NGOs who have existed for more than a century, and none of them have yet experienced any results.

he even made sure to inform us that we will not see the results of our projects during this lifetime (and we're all in our 20's.) he finished by saying that we have to do the work anyways.

I politely raised my hand and said: 'maybe it's because you're doing it all wrong?' from his reaction it was obvious that in all these years, he never questioned the way he approached cultural and social change. and if he never did, it's very likely the NGOs he works for, never did either.

I shared my thoughts with the crowd: 'we're a youth committee, this means that when we're a little bit older, we'll be replaced by younger ones. we don't have neither the time nor the resources. we have to find a way to create instant change. a shortcut.'

I continued: 'tim ferris won the Chinese national kick boxing championship with only 3 months preparation, and little experience. anyone who ever won this championship had between 10-15 years of experience. he did it by finding a loophole in the regulations. the rules say that if you are pushed 3 times out of the ring, you loose (the ring is a plain raised platform without rails around it.) what Tim did was dehydrate his body before his weight was taken, and then rehydrated himself before the day of the competition. this means that he was competing with people in a lower weight group than his. so by being heavier than his opponents, he won the championship by pushing everyone off the ring. the judges were furious, but he won. what matters more than the ethical part, is that he was able to do something that usually takes 10-15 years, in just 3 months.'

I was inspired to do the same for social change; and from the look on their eyes, so was the rest of the committee.

finally, months later, the idea hit me as I was preparing our 'internship program and culture of spirituality.'

see you in part 2 :-)

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

Apple purposefully made the backs of the iPhone 3 and iPod touch from very easily scratch-able materials. (side-note: there are cheap materials that are not scratch-able; I have a Nokia 6300, and the metal back is so tough that after 2 years of unprotected use, it's still like day one.) now this scratch-able iPhone surface will not effect the life of the product nor its performance at all.

what it will do however, is make users 'want' covers for protection. as a result, hundreds of companies will answer the demands of these users to leverage this opportunity. and thousands of re-sellers will promote iPhone covers all over the web, as well as in print and digital advertising, etc.

and by promoting iPhone covers, they're in fact promoting the iPhone itself. Apple caused thousands of companies and individuals to promote their products just because they purposely introduced a weakness which needs to be addressed with an additional product.

this saved Apple millions in advertising and marketing money, and made lots of companies happy. Apple even made iPhone users happy because they can now 'customize' their iPhones & 'protect' them at the same time; which puts the conscience of these users at rest and justifies the extra cost.

do you think this is possible? I do.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. coming later: iPhone 4 sales page dissected.

"when you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there."

_extracted from 'a girl with terminal illness' and written by that same girl, who died soon after writing it.
first read in the 4 hour work week by tim ferris.

the difference between going fast and hurrying up is not in the word itself. let me explain it this way:

I run almost everyday around 10-15K. and since I'm running, naturally I'm going fast. I see other runners along the way too. and I noticed a major difference between us.

when I run, I have my head up, my eyes are absorbing everything. I make eye contact with everyone. I don't miss a single construction worker on my way, not even if he's working on the scaffolding of the 2nd floor. I wave to them and smile until my teeth show. and this isn't a show I put on. this is the explosive happiness that I'm experiencing during my journey.

I try to wave, smile, and say hi to the other people running. it never works, they always have their head down, staring at the pavement, completely immersed in themselves and disconnected from their surroundings. and I think I know why.

when they run, they have a target. either finish the distance or finish the time, and get home. they don't run for journey, they run for the end result. they are in a hurry to finish.

I run for the experience, and that's why I said in the beginning that I run 10-15K. that's because I don't care how far I run, nor for how long. it's the experience, the journey.

and this is what I meant by saying: the difference between going fast and hurrying up is not in the words themselves. take another look at the little girls' saying:

"when you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there."
did you notice the '...to get somewhere...' part? she didn't say: 'when you run so fast, you miss half the fun'.

she had a short life, but she experienced it. make sure you do too.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. more coming soon on how apply this while working.

imagine this:

imagine standing in all your vulnerability and all your strength before someone, being read out loud like an open book, having no choice but to be entirely yourself. And being loved for it, none-the-less. imagine how much power that creates.

imagine how fearless and unreserved you could be. and being fearless is not the same thing as not-being-afraid (ask me, if this is confusing to you). imagine the influence you can have on that someone. imagine the self-esteem. now imagine all the positive change that can come out of this power. out of this clarity. imagine how sharp you can be now that you don't have to worry about hiding, faking, pretending, acting, masking. imagine the sharpness in your actions. the sharpness in your words, the sharpness in your thoughts. imagine what it would be like if all your energy was vertically concentrated on one single purpose at a time.

for that someone, as you stand before him, you're at-the-least "a force of nature". and he will be blown away.

now imagine this:

imagine you're standing in all your vulnerability and all your strength, being read out loud like an open book, having no choice but to be entirely yourself. And being loved for it, none-the-less. but instead of just one someone, imagine you're standing in front of all beings of the universe.

you can.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. more later on how by the press of an internal button you can instantly induce this state of being.

we have a client that sits through all of our meetings together, browsing the internet and watching half-naked girls on motorcycles. (if you're reading this, don't worry, no one knows who you are, and I love you like crazy.)

he's a client, and he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell him to stop it with the girls. there's a certain amount of respect that you have to maintain. and this is a problem.

because for the next few weeks, this client has been calling for a meeting, and I've been declining. I didn't want to waste my time in our meeting while we browsed the net. and this went on for weeks until I couldn't delay anymore.

so I decided: 'the heck with it! I'm gonna tell him. the project isn't moving forward anyways.' so I call him up, and naturally he asks for a meeting. I hesitate for a second and then say: 'ok. but on one condition. without Pamela Anderson please.'

silence.

I think to myself: 'oh shit!'

still nothing.

I wait.

and then I pull enough nerve and say his name.

nothing.

suddenly I hear a voice: 'sorry William, I was reading an email. sure thing, no Pamela. you got it, see you tuesday.'

what! he didn't react? it passed as if I told him to get a file with him? and that's when I realized that I was being too careful when talking to my customers. could it be that in my head, I exaggerate the tolerance level of other people in getting offended?

I was excited, so I call another customer that has been bothering me, and I talk to him with zero reservations. same reaction: 'sure William, you got it.' I call a third: 'no problem!' what? no one cares, and I've been trying all my life to be careful and not offend people?

I share my realization with hanane, and after great effort, she tries it on 2 occasions with the same results. they don't care.

and that was one of the biggest lessons that changed my life. in our heads we always exaggerate how sensitive people are to getting offended. and this makes us too careful, to the extent that it breaks communication, and often relationships.

how many times were you talking to someone and knew exactly what he wanted from you, except that he was beating around the bush, afraid to say it as it is. didn't you feel bad for the person and wished you could tell him: 'please stop it, I know what you want, and you got it.'

I've said that to people, and guess what? they were relieved. don't let someone feel sorry for you, don't let yourself feel bad for someone else, and don't sabotage your relationships; don't be careful when communicating.  say it as it is. let it out.

update: please read the comments for more insights, and for some tackled exceptions and concerns.

yours, will.

twitter: @

p.s. closely related: the destructive power of 'but you don't understand!' and what to use instead? -- COM102

this post is a tribute to Farid Younes. one of the greatest minds i've known, and a personal mentor to me without him knowing it. "why do people enjoy watching others suffer?" is a question he asked half a dozen years ago in class. and no one had an answer. it stayed with me until now. below is my answer to him.

have you ever seen a herd of deers?

have you seen the way they run when they feel the presence of a predator?
now image what you would feel like if you were a deer running away from the predator AND you have no idea where he is.
compare that with the feeling you get if you saw that predator running away with another deer all the way on the very opposite side of the herd.

you'll feel a lot more secure, wouldn't you?
do you know that once the predator gets to one of the deers, the deers actually stop running?
they would actually just stand there feeling a sense of relief wash over them. wouldn't you be glad it's not you?

i believe that same instinct is available in humans.
when we were living in the wild, we've been programmed that a predator only hunts one prey at a time.
he doesn't need more. and so once that predator gets his prey, the others are safe.
and watching that predator get his prey, is the cue for the rest of us that we're safe from harm.

this same instinct has remained unchanged in this day and age, even thought there are no more predators to humans.
natural disasters take more than just one person. crashes, diseases, wars, fights, they all take more than one prey.
yet when we see any one of those happening, we stop. our instinct kicks off. we're fooled during those few second or minutes that there could only be one victim. and we feel immediately secure because we're not the one. and that's why we "have" to stop and watch.
we want to know that the predator got his prey, and it's not us, so we can feel secure.

and that's why people love to watch war news, and disastrous news. that's why we all stop at car accidents, or fights. and that's why people actually pay loads of money to watch 2 guys punching the heck out of each other.

a few of you might confuse this with feeling insecure and afraid from natural disasters, wars, etc. and might argue that on the contrary, when we know that we might get sick, or the plane can crash, we'll get worried, not secure. and that's very true. what you shouldn't get this confused with is that the feeling of security comes only at the moment that someone "else" is getting hurt. the moment that the predator catches it's prey. not before, and not after.

after you finish watching the news about some new type of flu, that's when you feel worried, because your rational brain kicks it and tells you that it could be you. but as you were watching in the news that someone is japan is sick, you instantly felt a sense of relief; that's the instinct part or your brain (seth godin calls it the lizard brain.)

to clarify this better: let's take the deer example again. so you're grazing in an opening, and you're worried about predators. suddenly a predator appears, you panic and run for your life, all the while looking to see if you're the prey or not. and whether the predator got his prey or not. the moment you see the catch, boom: instant relief and security. you say to yourself: "thank goodness it's someone else!" moments later, while grazing again, the fear from predators comes again.

it's in our instincts. we're hard wired. we need those moments when we see others get hurt so we can relax, at least for those few moments when it's happening to someone else.

update: for deeper insights into why we behave this way, and what goes on in our brains during that time, please read the comments.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. closely related & coming soon: how we ran animals to death + how that's related to laziness?

WARNING: if you are a highly religious person, this will be offensive to you. these are my personal notes, and i'm only sharing them as part of sharing all my notes with the world. please do not read. if you choose to read, then you also choose to respect my thoughts. you have been warned.

for you to understand how Apple, Nike, and the like are like religions, i have to explain religions first:

native spiritual music from all cultures is called spiritual music.

religious civilizations don't have spiritual music and chants. they have left-brained religious hymns and prayers that talk of fear, guilt, repentance, and similar fear-oriented thoughts.

natives (american indians, aboriginal australians, etc.) all had spiritual music that graced the environment they lived in. they didn't want more, they were content and happy. they weren't afraid of punishment and hell. they were connected with the energies around them. they charged and boosted their energies through these spiritual chants. they connected with everything around them and replenished all their energies. and this made them highly satisfied and content.

when the religious capitalists invaded these spiritual peoples, they convinced them that now they need salvation, they planted fear in their hearts. religion made all their actions fear driven. religion told them that their ways of doing things are wrong, and that they need the church to communicate with someone called "god". and if they don't do that, they will burn in hell. religion broke all connection these peoples had with all energies around them, and forced them to connect with god through its religious franchised establishments.

and these poor peoples didn't know that the connection these capitalists are preaching is a fake one. no one can connect with anything through a church or a religion.

and the results to this are catastrophic: these peoples, instead of getting their energies and fulfillment from "Gaia", they're constantly in fear, trying to connect with "god" through a non-transmitter (the church and religion). so they feel an emptiness inside. a emptiness that their spirituality once filled, which this new non-transmitter cannot replace.

so they end up unsatisfied, and start looking for this satisfaction from material things. they start wanting more of everything. they start eating more, buying more, getting more. they go into these emotional cravings. they're looking for something they lost, and since they weren't explicitly aware of the connections, energies, and the spirituality that was their culture, they completely have no idea what they lost. 

now here's the big bummer: the church is preaching austerity, chastity, and denial of material goods. so every time they try to compensate for their cravings because of their missing energies, so they over-indulge in material things and they feel guilty. this leads to more fear, and more cravings, and naturally more over-indulgence. which in turn leads to more guilt, etc. and the endless cycle continues.

it's an exponential spiral that drives them deeper down the darkest hole ever created by capitalists.

apple, nike, and the likes do the same thing. they release new products, and plant fear in our hearts. fear of being less appreciated, fear of being ridiculed, fear or having something less performing, less beautiful, less "a-la-mode". and thus we fall into the endless exponential spiral of constant upgrades for things that we don't need.

whether these capitalists know it or not, they are disciples of the greatest capitalist and franchised establishments of them all: religions. capitalists take advantage of the unquenchable thirst that a non-transmitting connection causes. and us people, unable to connect to earth and the energies around us, we unknowingly look elsewhere to quench our thirsts for real essence in life. and Apple capitalizes on this thirst. Apple needs religion. Religion doesn't need apple, religion is the mother of capitalism.

i believe the solution lies in us realizing that the connection religion is selling to us, is like a product that fools you into believing that it works as advertised, and never actually works as advertised. and it's the kind of product that doesn't come with any type of warrantee either.

once we realize this, we'll start "flocking" back into spirituality. a connection that doesn't happen in the head, and especially not in the left brain. spirituality is a connection that just is; naturally. no thinking or studying involved. and especially, no rules. it's our natural way of being.

update 1: please read the comments for rebuttals, and deeper insights.

update 2: when i say religion, of course i mean to say the religious establishments. those establishments that invade, conquer, and convert. i don't mean to encompass the religious practices that are highly spiritual.

your, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

'the only way that u can find the answer is if it comes to u naturally in the blink of eye.'   _malcolm gladwell, from his book 'blink'.

as i listened to this sentence (audio book) it hit me. that's exactly the problem with creative blocks and group brainstorming sessions. we use our brains!

i'll give you the riddle malcolm gave in this book, let's see if you can turn off your brain and find the answer in the blink of an eye:

a father and his son are in a major car accident.
the father is dead, and the son is rushed to the hospital.
as the son is taken into the operations room, the doctor looks in shock at the boy and screams: 'that's my son!!'

who's the father?

usually the answer won't come to you if you think harder, it'll rather be like a snap realization. and just like brainstorming, you need to break pre-conceptions (that's a hint). you need to look beyond the fake limitations we never dare to question.

'when a design isn't working, usually the things you think cannot be changed, are the things that most need changing.' (forgot where i read it.)

to help you a little bit: do you remember a eureka moment you had? you'd be looking at something for a while, from a certain perspective, and suddenly something happens and you see it from a new perspective. and as you say to yourself: 'hey! i never looked at it like...' you instantly stop mid-sentence and you shout: 'i got it!' that's how fast it happens, and during that 'aha' moment you weren't using your brain, you simply got new eye-glasses.

let's say you're looking at a doctor with his back turned to you, and he's all suited up for ER with cap and all. how do you tell if he's man or woman? (did u get your aha moment yet?)

that's exactly what we do in 'clown me in' (clownme-in.blogspot.com) to unleash that creative genius and move the improvisation deeper into unexplored realms. we're given 2 simple and golden rules, and everybody sticks to them:

1. don't think
2. always say yes

when sabine (clown me in co-founder) asked me during a clowning scene: 'do you want his shoes?'
now if i think about it, no, i don't want his shoes. you can see what happens if i say no. nothing happens. the sequence of events stops. neither me, nor the other clowns on stage will have anything to build on. instead, i don't think (rule 1), and i just say 'yes!' (rule 2). that's when i start running for his shoes like crazy.

sabine builds on this, and shouts: 'you have to take his shoes without touching them!' now if i think, the natural reaction would be: 'how can i take his shoes without touching them!' and creativity shuts down. instead i excitedly shout 'yes!' in my head, jump in front of the fletchy (the other clown), point to his shoes and shout: 'yuk!! you stepped in elephant shit! let me clean those shoes for you!' now i know for a fact that fletchy has to say yes (hehe).

you see... these basic but vital rules are what keep the creativity and vitality of the performance going. and it only works if all the clowns in the group abide by them.

now don't underestimate this, it's not easy, and it needs practice. when i first started out with 'clown me in', it took me five 4-hour sessions to actually manage not to think, and to shut off my brains. then it took me another couple of sessions to start automatically saying yes. and still with mediocre results. now, a lot more sessions later, we all do it with flying colors (most of the time :-)

so next time you're brainstorming in a group, or even alone, and you're digging for that spark of inspiration, don't think. don't stop to make up your mind whether her idea is good or not. don't analyze it. don't decide whether to say or no. and please please never say: 'yes, but...' you're not sitting in a group trying to see who's idea you're going to adopt, or which one is better. don't be judgmental.

you're all working together for that 'aha' moment, for that spark. and everything put forth is a catalyst that aims to change the eye-glasses you're looking through. with every new thought, say yes to it, don't think about it, remove you're old glasses, and wear new ones. just shout out the first thing that hits your head. make sure everyone is doing that. keep the chain moving, keep the excitement going, and you'll unleash that creative beast, naturally, and in the 'blink of an eye'!

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. for those who didn't figure it out, it's ok, this has nothing to do with IQ, you just didn't look at it like this: the doctor is the mother of the son.

"keep the curtain up at all costs."
_michel gerber in his book the e-myth revisited.

I was talking to a close friend one evening about his relationship with his girlfriend. and I asked him how transparent his relationship is. 'pretty transparent.' he answered. transparent isn't good enough I said. you have to keep the curtain up at all costs for the relationship to work.

the difference between being transparent and keeping the curtains up is the time aspect of it. intervals VS always on.

in any relationship, not just in a couple, things happen individually, with each person, then they share sometime later. most of the time after the point of no return has passed. this is being transparent. there's a certain delay.

take a theater play as example. a scene happens, then the curtains close. things happen behind the curtains. then the curtains open and show you what happened, the end result. never the process. this is close to what being transparent is.  keeping the curtain up is a whole different ball game.

the curtains never close. the audience is aware all the time what's happening. there's no surprise after the curtains open. and this same idea applies to relationships. everyone involved in this relationship is aware of the whole process as things evolve and change. when the point of no return happens, everybody is already aware and ok with it.

hanane is my partner in life. and this is what we practice together. I share with her my thoughts as they happen. I share with her the process, not just the end result. this way I never have to show her the results and explain myself. she knows. she understands. there are no drastic changes. only a constant process of subtle changes.

we all change. and out of respect for everyone involved with us, we owe it to them to involve them in the process. and because I respect the whole world, and because I could be involved with anyone of you at any time, I choose to keep anyone who chooses involved in my process and evolution. I choose to keep the curtain up for the whole world. at all costs.

remember, if you care about any of your relationships, don't open the curtains up at different intervals in time. keep it open all the time. see you all back here on Tomorrow, Tuesday 14 December, 2010 (the notes are now live). that's when the curtains open opened up for good.

yours, will.

twitter: @williamchoukeir

p.s. please bug me and hold me to my words if I ever close the curtains. love you all.

(updated with a P.S. on sat, 11 dec 2010)

behind a password I have more than 100 personal notes, thoughts, and ideas.

a while back I asked myself: 'what am I doing keeping all these notes to myself?'

the only answer I could think of is this: 'society hones us to keep our lives private so we can feel secure.' but is it true? what I feel is that the more private my life is, the more afraid I am.

and so I'm raising the curtains and revealing all my past and future 'private' notes with you.

the date is 14 December, 2010.
that's next Tuesday.  (the notes are now live)

you don't have to remember the date, just follow this posterous and you'll automatically get everything by email (or RSS).

please share with everyone you know so they could all benefit, and together make this a more open world.

yours, will

twitter: @williamchoukeir

P.S: sneak peak of coming topics:

• how do you create a culture of spirituality with minimal effort and time (part 1 of 2or3)
• how is a mountain a problem? ...sometimes.
• do business cards really work? or do they actually sabotage connecting?
• how stardom & influence can be a good thing?
• how food compensates for undone projects?
• how we ran animals to death + how that's related to laziness?
• how being careful when communicating is a bad thing, and what to do about it
• how lack of self-esteem is like standing in the face of a stampede?
• why spend $6000 on a TED conference when you can watch it online for free?
• how do you unleash the creative beast without using your brains? and how do you do that when brainstorming collectively? 2 vital rules.
• 'no-problem' is strong because you remove the problem out of the problem.
• iPhone 4 sales page dissected.
• how did apple get real fans to help her take iPhone viral?
• Why do people enjoy watching others suffer?
• how religions are the same as Apple, Nike, and the like...
• how and why do we cause our own bodies to get sick?
• how to stop pretending and filtering?
• instead of saying I can’t, say I won’t.
• how miracles lie in the comfort zone?
• Vegan Chocolate Cheesecake Recipe